Project 365, Week 38

This was a hard week. Since intense pain was my first indicator that something was wrong when I had cancer, having me be in pain again struck fear in all of us. It also severely limits me and our household is definitely set up to be a two-parent operation, so when I'm down, its a lot of weight on Shaun.

September 15

I was up at midnight again with pain that had now been 24 hours. Shaun and I decided we should head to the local emergency room, for what I was thinking was maybe a burst appendix. They got me right in and began what would be a long string of tests and doctors visits over the next couple weeks. 

This guy...he's been asked to do so many hard things, for long periods of time. He's had to face loosing me more often than either of us would admit. And he's had to care for me in unspeakable ways and is so tender and consistent and patient with it and still he looks at me with such love. He has broad shoulders that can carry lots of weight. Grateful.

I'll save you all of the grueling details from this week...it was tests and appointments and laying low and worry and hope.

September 16

Normally the kitchen is the hub of activity and life in our home, but for this month it was my bedroom. Lucky for me, UNO is easily transportable. ;)

September 17
Aiden is finding that there is more writing in 5th grade than he's had to deal with in the past. He doesn't love it but he's muscling through. This night he worked on extra credit, comparing and contrasting these two plants using colorful adjectives, stretching his little engineering brain right to its limits. :)

September 18
On our way home from a doctor's appointment, Shaun stopped off at Amanda's school to leave a little package he'd put together for her that she could take to her away game. It was just about the sweetest thing ever. He's at his best behind-the-scenes when no one is watching. I love that about him.

September 19
Speaking of soccer...

September 20
The office has terrible cell service, so when I need to take a call, I have to walk outside. This conversation was the doctor reporting on my blood work...even while she was talking, I was thinking how beautiful the roses are.

September 21
I heart #7 on the white team. :)

I wasn't up for having the little guy, but Avery had the weekend off from games and begged to have him, promising to be the exclusive caregiver. The kids were SO happy to see him!

September 22
Love this time of year and a Sunday afternoon soccer game.

State of the House ~ September

Its almost November so I'm determined to wrap up September and October very soon. Its always pretty eventful around here, we just never know what flavor of crazy it will be. Right in the middle of the three kids playing on six different sports teams, I had pain. Even though I sought help within 24 hours, it still ended up being what felt like a very drawn-out process. I'll save most of the tedious details but thought I should share just a bit since it consumed us for half of September and most of October.

On a Friday night I went to bed feeling fine but woke up around 1 AM in severe pain and unable to go back to sleep. That Saturday I drove a car full of kids to a Junior Bible Quiz meet and coached and then went home and straight to bed. Again I woke about midnight and asked Shaun to bring me to the ER. They got us right in and started on all the tests (blood, CT Scan, Ultrasound). It was so odd to be back in the scene that is so familiar, while at the same time it felt like we'd never left.

By 5:30 AM they still didn't have all the results back, so we told them we were going home to sleep and would call later in the day. We went home to sleep for three hours and when we got up we saw we'd missed several calls from the ER doctor, who insisted we get right back to the hospital.

When we arrived, they whisked us into pre-surgery mode, still completely unsure what was wrong. The surgeon on call came in to speak with us. He had a suspicion it was an ovarian torsion, but was hesitant to operate because he said it is usually accompanied by the doubled-over, unable-to-talk kind of pain. Doctors and nurses kept asking me what my pain was on the 0-10 scale. What I've learned over the years is, by God's grace, I have a very high pain tolerance, such that I only have two rankings on the scale. Either: its not bad, I will deal with it until it goes away. Or: it woke me up in the middle of the night, something a tornado tearing off the wall in my bedroom couldn't do and I'm here at the ER/doctor seeking help that is a hassle and I'll have to pay out-of-pocket for,

We were sent home and told to followup with my doctor on Monday. That began a series of tests and appointments and waiting and wondering and pain. For the sake of each other we all tried to play it cool but we've done the mom's-in-life-altering-pain thing before and it didn't turn out well. Sweet little Aiden would ask me everyday how I was feeling, but he'd work it into conversation and ask, almost as an after-thought. It was so sweet and also broke my heart that the kids had to be facing this again.

Because the blood work came back with elevated tumor markers and surgery was being discussed, we opted to go back to Sloan. Three weeks after first experiencing pain I had surgery in NYC. A result of a surgery I had before radiation four years ago, one ovary had twisted long enough to cut off blood supply. Additionally, an infection was growing causing my appendix to get involved. Post-surgery I'm down a couple organs, but all the pathology came back clear! The first words I could hear and understand as I was waking from anesthesia was "no cancer!" from my nurse. Cause for rejoicing!!

The rest of September was getting back in the swing of school and figuring out six different sports schedules. Grateful for active kids!

On surgery day I wore this shirt in honor of my friend who has been battling for more than four years. It was my little way of showing her she is thought of and not forgotten.

Love. It looks like rides and meals and childcare and texting and sending flowers and praying.

Project 365, Week 37

Do I say this most weeks? I think I might. There were so many blessings and so much hard in this week. There was busy, active household life, there were quiet morning moments, there was walking with friends through tough stuff, there was staggering beauty in nature, there was excruciating pain and there was undeniable God-presence in a most profound, life-impacting way.

September 9

I can still beat Aiden at games sometimes, but it won't be like that for much longer.

September 10
Pretty flowers as I stepped outside to the bus stop with Aiden.

September 11
I peeked out and saw Aiden fully engrossed in stick play. What a sweet thing to have a little guy who is entertained in "the woods" with a stick.

Such a special service! My niece Maddy was baptized and the whole service was beautiful and life-giving.

September 12
Our girl!

September 13
We ended up with a fun combination of cousins for the evening....they were so sweet together.

Aiden's extra-credit science assignment was to take some pictures of the Harvest Moon. He knew just the person to send out on the job. ;) We are surrounded by trees, so I drove two miles to a farm on a hill, where there are sunrise and sunset views that I'm quite appreciate (and jealous) of. I didn't do it justice, but he got the credit.

September 14
Our first JBQ match of the season. What a crew!

This is the beginning of a long, drawn-out story that I'll share more of later. I woke up at 1 am in significant pain and was unable to go back to sleep. I had committed to transporting a bunch of kids and coaching at the meet, so five minutes before we had to head out the door I willed myself to get dressed and pop some pills.

Shaun coached a soccer game in the same area and after the game was over he came to the meet to see what he could do to help me. As soon as I was done coaching, I took his car and headed home and he stayed back to wrap things up and bring all the kids back. It was such a relief and I was so grateful. He's awesome.

Project 365, Week 36

This week was back to reality after Labor Day weekend and really starting to dig into school and sports. 

September 2

Avery and Shaun are always the last two awake, watching a ball game together, doing a crossword...super sweet that they both make an effort to find common ground and build the relationship.

September 3
Mornings are magical...I love how the early sun streams through the trees.

At work I got a call asking if we could take a kid who we've had on respite before. There wasn't time to take a family vote, so by the time Aiden got home from school, he had acquired a play date for the week. It didn't take long before they were doing target practice with Nerf guns.

September 4
A boy and a dog needed to burn some energy, so we went to the lake for 30 minutes.

September 5
What a crazy thing watching our eldest playing ball on the high school field!

One things I'm always acutely aware of when we have a new kid in our home is how different the little things are...different flavors, different smells, different noises, different rules. Everything is different. With that understanding, I try to find compromises when there are requests for things like juice/soda and videos game. 

September 6
We dropped the teens off at youth group and brought the boys to Chuck E. Cheese. It had been years since we were there and we could not believe changes in their price structure. For our little family of four to eat one pizza and the boys to play for an hour was $70!! The boys had so much fun and Shaun and I had a surprisingly special, romantic time together. CEC...who knew?!?

September 7
Speaking of high school ball, I dropped Avery off for an away game at 5:30am!

This is our grand front entrance and our mudroom. I paused to snap a photo and breathe a prayer of thanks that its littered with evidence of active, thriving kids. Soon enough they will be gone and this space will be pristine.

Yay for sweet friends! These two go back to first grade. :)

First fall ball baseball game of the season and it was a beautiful day.

While watching my 10 year-old son and trying to entertain a very chatty and energetic 11 year-old, I was struck by the injustice of it all. My son, through no effort or fault of his own was born into a family that is stable enough to support and encourage him in athletics, so he gets to develop a skill and friendships and learn about teamwork.

Our respite child, through no effort or fault of his own was born into a family that is unwilling or unable to be stable enough to support and commit to something like athletics, so he sits on the sideline watching.

Its so wrong and so hard and the unfairness of it all struck me anew this week.

September 8
First soccer game of the season.

The evening ended with a neighborhood football game in the back yard.