Friday, July 4, 2025

Numbering Days, Week 153-157


Heading to the hospital in Hartford, I drove through part of the route I have run several times in the Hartford Marathon. It sticks out because the fun runners would let out a little whoop to hear the echo in the "tunnel" (it goes without saying I was not one of the whoopers). Even after all these years, my heart wrenched for the loss of running. 

That morning the Psalm I read had been a psalm of lament. I've been trying to grow in my lamenting...my complaining and honesty with God... so, out loud in my car I said, Fine. I will lament. This stinks. I miss running so much. There are innumerable losses on all fronts and they keep coming. I've been on the edge of what I can take so many times. Its all been so much. God, I know you don't make mistakes and you have trusted me to carry this story. I need you to make good on your promises. I need you to take all of this hard and loss and pain and suffering and use it for good. 

I arrived at the hospital and drove around and around the parking garage with no spots. Of course the plethora of handicap spots would be taken at a hospital...its the same at the cancer center. I eyed the incline of the regular spots, could feel the pain of walking it and decided to bail on the visit, to try again tomorrow. As I was exiting, there on level two was a handicap spot tucked in the corner, right next to the door to the elevators. Okay!

When I walked into Diane's hospital room, I saw someone covered with casts and braces and bandages and tubes, but out of ICU. Having fallen down a flight of stairs more than a week earlier, Shaun's dad's wife was pretty banged up. We spoke for a bit and, amazingly, she seemed happier and more at peace than I'd seen her in a long time. I commented on her smile and attitude and she said, well, I've been learning a lot from how you handle what you're going through

We talked some more and then the visit ended abruptly when a flurry of nurses came in to do whatever nurses do. (Its a weird thing being in a hospital. I hate the whole scene and it feels like home...a terrible, comfortable and familiar place).

On the drive back, I passed by the same spot and only then did Diane's words come back to me I've been learning a lot from how you handle what you're going through. I teared up and thanked God for such a swift, direct answer to my prayer. It was the needed reminder that He is such a personal God...He sees and hears; it was the needed encouragement that somehow all of "this" matters and is being used for good.

Early the next morning, word came that Diane had passed away from a pulmonary embolism. I don't understand it all, but God's presence was clear to me that day. I pray it meant something eternally.


Amy had been gently pushing me for a while, so when I was given this chemo break in March, I agreed to use the time to work with the pain management team (again). Since mid-June its been a difficult trial and error process, but recently I've experienced a dramatic decrease of my pain. Its imperfect, but I've gotten some mobility back, a cloud has been lifted and my thoughts feel clearer. What a gift to have some freedom from that constant drum beat of pain. I'm very grateful (and I may have even let out a whoop)!

Thank you for your prayers and love and care. It means so much.



Sunday, June 29, 2025

Project 365, Week 25

A week of celebrations! 

June 16
It was Dakota's 7th (!!!) birthday, so we picked him up for a little adventure. Its beautiful to see these guys love each other.


Turns out, Jesus was right. The truly good life is on the other side of loving others and giving our lives away. When Dakota was born and God put it on my heart to step in and help, I pictured auto-shipping diapers. Seven years later, I've bought tons of diapers, yes but far beyond that, Dakota and his mom have captured and re-framed our hearts in the best ways. It has been messy, precarious at times and rarely easy and it has been our great joy. 


June 17
Renna agreed to help me take pictures at VBS and it was SO fun having her! She was enthusiastic and learned quickly and I'm grateful for the time with her. (also, she's able to squat down, which is one of the simplest ways to get a better picture...there's your pro tip of the day 😉).



June 18
Each year, the kids at VBS meet a missionary family and hear the story of where they are and what they do. They also bring in coins to help support the cause. It was wild to have the R's there! Ezra said, "Hi!"


Amanda was only available one night, but she stepped right in and connected with her group.


June 19
Nathanael and Tina's wedding weekend arrived! The rehearsal dinner was in Tina's parents back yard. They created an enchanting, whimsical area that felt like stepping into another world. 




June 20
Its still weird showing up to places separately from our kids. I thought my crew looked stunning and we were VERY excited for the day.


The groom.💙



She was all and more that you'd want in a 1.5 year old flower girl.


It was super special that they asked my dad to officiate. He did our wedding 31 years ago and it stuck pretty well. ;)


Precious.


Through foster care and connecting with hundreds of individuals at the front desk during tax time, I know that so many people don't have people. With the past couple weddings, I've looked around and marveled at the beautiful community we have. It is effort-full, and sacrificial, yes. But I have seen loneliness and lack of a tribe up close and its a hopeless, painful place. We were made for relationship and I'm thankful for our people who are with us in our both our brokenness and flourishing.






What a blast watching the kids on the dance floor! My cousin says they could be hired out as party-starters for weddings.










June 21
Porch chillin'.


Later in the afternoon, Amanda and I headed out to Dakota's house, where his mom and her boyfriend were hosting a gender reveal party for the twins they are expecting in December. She was generous to invite us and did an amazing job pulling all the details together.









They also did a bounce house and water games with a whole bunch of kids for Dakota's birthday.


June 22
Amanda went to Alabama to spend a few days with her roommate. It was a happy reunion. :)


For unknown reasons, my pain was acute this day. Nana and I sat in side-by-side recliners and watched an entire afternoon of golf, a first for me. It did not turn me into a fan but with Nana's side commentary throughout, it was entertaining.


Thursday, June 26, 2025

June's 10 on 10

10 pictures on the 10th day (Tuesday) of the month! 
{Document a snapshot of your life...find beauty among the ordinary things in your day!}

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love.


Sometimes my body is up for a little extra movement.  A "landmark study" came out this month:

An aerobic exercise regimen can lower death rates from colon cancer and reduce recurrence rates by roughly one-third, a new study has found. The study is the first to show a causal relationship between cancer outcomes and exercise.

Obviously my case doesn't support the study, but I still believe in the value of exercise when at all possible....partnering with and supporting our bodies instead of abusing or neglecting them.


The outside work crew stopped in.


Then Avery came to work, too. What is better than being with all my kids? Not much.


So many hours of his life have gone to legos. Its fun to watch him pick it back up.


Amanda said she looks forward to going in to work. She was made for this!


With a puzzle, I lured Avery to stop by after work. 😉


Captain's practices have already begun for the high school team. I admire Aiden's commitment and passion.


Fast progress, especially considering that border.


Cool enough weather for a candle.