Doing Battle, Week 71

As I'm posting this, I wish I was in a better place, physically, mentally. Its just been a difficult many days. In the last week the pain has increased exponentially and it just starts to wear. I don't like to talk about it because it hurts those I love to know about it, but I don't want to sugar-coat things and or be disingenuous either. Sometimes I strike the balance, sometimes I miss. I will get to a better place, this I know. I am well taken care of and am reminded often that I am thought of, prayed for and loved, and that means the world.

On Tuesday Amanda and I headed down to the city. I chose to bring her, thinking it'd be fun to make a girls trip out of it. She doesn't have a job and is the one who can most easily miss school. And mostly, we wanted to stop off at Broadway while we were there to see Wicked, which she has been SO anxious to see. She knows the entire soundtrack, word for word!

First we stopped off at a Sloan Kettering facility right over the CT/NY border so they could do an MRI of my spine. It lasted 45 minutes and it was easy enough. The socks I wore have gotten me through more than one marathon and I reminded myself that I am not defined only as the sick lady.

 

Driving through NYC is an experience all its own. Amanda did not understand all the beeping, all the time.

We got settled into our hotel and then walked to her choice for dinner.

Around midnight I woke up in such pain. I can deal with pain, but the added fact that my entire right leg was numb and tingled gave me pause. I paced the room in an attempt to "walk it off", debated and then finally called my doctor. The on-call staff encouraged me to get to Urgent Care. 

So I dressed and walked the six blocks to the hospital at 1:30 AM. Annoyingly, the very first thing they did was draw a ton of blood and eventually gave me pain meds through the IV, which didn't do a thing. They added steroids and heavier pain killers, which kind of, sort of took the edge off. It was explained to me that the tumor was pressing on the nerve in my spine. 

At 5:30 AM I assured them I wasn't loopy and would able to walk back on my own to the hotel.

I slept an hour and by 8:00 AM we were up and dressed and headed back to the hospital. I waited an hour while the nurse worked on getting me special clearance for the procedures to be done because one of the meds they'd given to me at UC was a blood thinner. Argh! 

But the man at the coffee place had been extra polite and they got my order right and my lacking sleep self just really appreciated the decent cup of coffee.

Finally, I got cleared for all the things. Praise Jesus! 

Another day, another hospital gown. This time for a myelogram, a first for me. It involved them taking fluid from my spine and then inserting a hollow needle and dye into my spinal canal, then tipping me this way and that to spread the contrast and taking x-rays. 

From there, I was wheeled to a CT Scan and finally to the radiation simulation where they made me a plastic mold to lay in and meticulously lined me up on the table to get the laser beams adjusted just right. When they were satisfied, I was given three tattoos, to add to the three I have from last time. Maybe when this is all over I'll get all the dots connected. :)

Amanda patiently waited for the almost five hours it took. She zoomed in on school, read, played games. She was quite content chilling.

We grabbed lunch around the corner from the hospital and then headed back to the hotel where I was desperate to get a little sleep. 

And finally, we made it to Broadway!! 

Next up, radiation is scheduled to begin this coming week. Thank you for praying, thank you for thinking of us, thank you for your messages. We will be on the other side in no time!

So maybe the answer surrounds us

But we don't have eyes to see

That You're always good, always good

This heartache is moving me closer than joy ever could

And You're always good

My God, my God, be near me

There's nowhere else to go

And Lord, if You can hear me

Please help Your child to know

That You're always good, always good

As we try to believe what is not meant to be understood

Will You help us to trust Your intentions for us are still good

'Cause You laid down Your life

And You suffered like I never could

You're always good, always good

You're always good, always good

~Andrew Peterson