Project 365, Week 31

Most mornings a song pops into my head before the day has scarcely started and the randomness scale is off the charts. This day it was Everything, and I kept repeating the only lines I knew:

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times its you, its you, 

you make me sing you're every line, you're every word, you're everything

So la, la, la, la, la, la, la

I love this man so much that I get to do life with. After all these years I know its not a one-off that things are crazy. Somehow, we attract it, we find it, we create it and God infuses supernatural capacity. 

July 27

A big piece of the crazy was getting Levi and Daisy settled into CT and onto the path of life here. We spent much of the week shopping for a car and car insurance, opening bank accounts, looking for jobs, etc. Things I've walked teens through more than a dozen times but for them its a lot to process, in addition to all the emotions that go with it. 

July 28

I awoke to a startling text from my friend that she had suffered a medical emergency. What gratitude that God spared her life and what a stark reminder of how fragile and brief life is. It was a huge bummer that she was not in her home state, just visiting here, but it was really, really good to be able to hug her.

After a day of "adulting stuff", we taught the kids a family favorite. Since its my blog, I'll just go ahead and casually mention that I won. 😉

July 29

Avery and Jack had hoped that their ultrasound day and house closing would be on the same day so they could gather family at their new place. The closing was delayed so at the last minute the party moved to our house. Avery and Jack took care of all the food and details, keeping it both lowkey and special. 

Jack's dad had the honor, along with the perfect poker face.

All is grace.

July 30

They got the keys!! New homeowners of a perfect-for-them house! (also happy that its just 18 minutes from us).

July 31

The next morning it was operation move out of the apartment and into the house. Amanda and I went early to the house to begin washing every surface before they started painting and moving belongings in.

We had a great crew so loading and unloading the truck was done efficiently with plenty of time left to start in on projects. Their house was well cared for over many decades by the same owners so most of the work is cosmetic and making updates to personal taste.

It meant a lot that family showed up to help.

Somewhere in there Shaun took Aiden back to the surgery center to have the rod in his pinky removed. 

I couldn't go because at the same time I was having labs done and meeting with the local oncologist in preparation for starting chemo back up.

August 1

Back at it the next day. I ran errands and served lunch and Amy and I worked in the yard. Somehow it ended up that Amy and I were nominated to do the dump run, giving us "time together". The load coming from Avery's house wasn't terrible but we had to stop and load up a "few things". It ended up being a ginormous amount of heavy stuff and all I was good for was showing my resident ID. She was a hot, sweaty mess at the end but the weight she lifts in the morning is not just for looks.

Jack gets to church early, as assistant campus pastor there is plenty of setup to do. This day he left the house mid-project and just threw on aa change of clothes quick. When he got to church is when he found out he'd be doing announcements/offering. He was calm and you wouldn't have known the crazy he came from.

August 2

Shaun was anxious about a project at one of our buildings and he wanted to get it in a safe spot to leave for a week. I went with them to help facilitate the kids being able to work there and earn some money, like yard work and two trips to get supplies.

Then I took Daisy to the VBS leader's meeting to make sure they were signed up and ready to volunteer the next day and week.

Shaun and I talked through whether we should continue with the course of me going on the business trip with so much going on at home. In the end we decided to stick with Plan A, so I threw a few items into a suitcase. (But I paused to smile that there were a bunch of teens sitting around my table).

 

Numbering Days, Week 201-214

One thing I love about the Bible is that it is "alive and active". A verse I've known since I was a child will arrive to me with a new and different meaning than it ever has before. 

For weeks, this verse, reminding me that God is with me wherever I go and whatever happens, has been rolling around in my heart. And honestly, it seemed out of place because I was feeling neither afraid or discouraged. 

Then I had a call with my spine doctor, who delivered the results of my latest scans and went on to reiterate the fact that radiation and surgery are not considered reasonable options for dealing with this tumor, things I already knew but were nonetheless difficult to hear again.

A week later I met with my oncologist who agreed with the findings and and said, Lisa, I know you hate chemo, but your body still responds well. (Makes me wonder, though I don't ask...do most of her patients not mind chemo??)

The news of a growing tumor and upcoming treatment was disappointing though it did not shake me. I've learned and am currently learning that life is hard and unexpected and at any moment things can happen that our joy and peace. 

In truth, I feel like much of my life has and hard things. And I really mean this...I'm thankful to have been given a life that makes me feel like I'm in over my head. It has kept me needing Jesus. And not in a church way or an inspirational way or a hobby way, but in a deep and abiding and desperate way. 

The "trick" I've learned, and its no trick at all is ahead of time...ahead of the crisis, the phone call, the unexpected circumstances, I have been spending time getting to know the character of God, learning that He is good and He can be trusted. 

The telehealth did not go how I'd hoped and I mourn the news, but I do not crumble because I have spent time daily building my life's foundation on Jesus and I've learned how to fight for gratitute.

In our family we call what we're in "bonus time". It's been nearly 12 years since I was first diagnosed and 4 years since they told me the recurrence was terminal. And here I am, doing extraordinary, beautiful, painful, mundane, miraculous life.

I've been here for the joy of daily life and to witness my kids cross life-milestones and, wonder of wonders, I'm going to be a grandma in December to a baby boy!! Its all more than I ever could have asked for or hoped to be around for. I hold this vapor of a life loosely, my heart set on eternity.

I start back on chemo next week, my usual every two week deal. Beginning now will ensure I'm done for the holidays and the arrival of a grandbaby and all the wonderful, difficult things this life holds.

The immensity of what it means that people still ask and pray and care is more than what I can take in. I get so sick of me and I don't know how others continue to lean in. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Project 365, Week 30

Lots of time at the lake getting good projects done and spending time with family. Also grappling with big life stuff behind the scenes. All is grace.

July 20

Morning check-in from Shaun. So glad he is able to get some time to himself most mornings, whether on the golf course or water. His shoulders bear innumerable heavy weights of responsibility and I'm thankful for the pockets of time he has to break away from it all.

July 21

My morning break away time looks different. 

July 22

Earlier in the day, I'd gotten a tough call from the doctor. Amanda didn't know that when she came into my bedroom to play her guitar. We sang How Great Thou Art together and I couldn't help the tears falling. 

July 23

Z, our very first foster kid, welcomed his son Ezekiel.

Nathan brought his tractor over and what a difference a machine makes! We got some good work done clearing the downed tree debris. They also made steps from the garden to the garden shed. Progress!

July 24

Mercies are new every morning.

Shelva was in town and we got a few lovely hours together on the deck. What I love most about our relationship is how different we are. Its a strange thing see her gray hair that mirrors mine and to talk about being old and having big kids because that's not the story in my head. In my head we are doing sleepovers and riding bicycles. :) I'm so grateful for the friendship we've shared since we were 14. 

July 25

My niece Lainie graduated from ROTC Cadet training at Ft. Knox. She's amazing to watch, driven and excellent in all she sets out to do (which is a lot!). She lives life large and we're so proud of her.

A nice Saturday work crew showed up and we accomplished some projects with the truck and tractor and willing muscles.

In the early afternoon we switched gears to some fun. My niece Evie had a birthday party and invited friends and family to celebrate. I didn't get many pictures because I sat with Nana, though she did request a picture with the boys and I love it.

Whenever she sees Aiden, she wants to measure if he's grown taller than her. What a thing that must be to watch your great grandchildren growing into adults.

July 26

The day was beautiful and we were anxious to see Amy family and hear about their european adventure.  

Late the night before, my nephew Levi and his girlfriend flew in from TX. This was a good day to lay low as they work to adjust and acclimate to their move to CT.