Numbering Days, Week 201-214

One thing I love about the Bible is that it is "alive and active". A verse I've known since I was a child will arrive to me with a new and different meaning than it ever has before. 

For weeks, this verse, reminding me that God is with me wherever I go and whatever happens, has been rolling around in my heart. And honestly, it seemed out of place because I was feeling neither afraid or discouraged. 

Then I had a call with my spine doctor, who delivered the results of my latest scans and went on to reiterate the fact that radiation and surgery are not considered reasonable options for dealing with this tumor, things I already knew but were nonetheless difficult to hear again.

A week later I met with my oncologist who agreed with the findings and and said, Lisa, I know you hate chemo, but your body still responds well. (Makes me wonder, though I don't ask...do most of her patients not mind chemo??)

The news of a growing tumor and upcoming treatment was disappointing though it did not shake me. I've learned and am currently learning that life is hard and unexpected and at any moment things can happen that our joy and peace. 

In truth, I feel like much of my life has and hard things. And I really mean this...I'm thankful to have been given a life that makes me feel like I'm in over my head. It has kept me needing Jesus. And not in a church way or an inspirational way or a hobby way, but in a deep and abiding and desperate way. 

The "trick" I've learned, and its no trick at all is ahead of time...ahead of the crisis, the phone call, the unexpected circumstances, I have been spending time getting to know the character of God, learning that He is good and He can be trusted. 

The telehealth did not go how I'd hoped and I mourn the news, but I do not crumble because I have spent time daily building my life's foundation on Jesus and I've learned how to fight for gratitute.

In our family we call what we're in "bonus time". It's been nearly 12 years since I was first diagnosed and 4 years since they told me the recurrence was terminal. And here I am, doing extraordinary, beautiful, painful, mundane, miraculous life.

I've been here for the joy of daily life and to witness my kids cross life-milestones and, wonder of wonders, I'm going to be a grandma in December to a baby boy!! Its all more than I ever could have asked for or hoped to be around for. I hold this vapor of a life loosely, my heart set on eternity.

I start back on chemo next week, my usual every two week deal. Beginning now will ensure I'm done for the holidays and the arrival of a grandbaby and all the wonderful, difficult things this life holds.

The immensity of what it means that people still ask and pray and care is more than what I can take in. I get so sick of me and I don't know how others continue to lean in. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Project 365, Week 30

Lots of time at the lake getting good projects done and spending time with family. Also grappling with big life stuff behind the scenes. All is grace.

July 20

Morning check-in from Shaun. So glad he is able to get some time to himself most mornings, whether on the golf course or water. His shoulders bear innumerable heavy weights of responsibility and I'm thankful for the pockets of time he has to break away from it all.

July 21

My morning break away time looks different. 

July 22

Earlier in the day, I'd gotten a tough call from the doctor. Amanda didn't know that when she came into my bedroom to play her guitar. We sang How Great Thou Art together and I couldn't help the tears falling. 

July 23

Z, our very first foster kid, welcomed his son Ezekiel.

Nathan brought his tractor over and what a difference a machine makes! We got some good work done clearing the downed tree debris. They also made steps from the garden to the garden shed. Progress!

July 24

Mercies are new every morning.

Shelva was in town and we got a few lovely hours together on the deck. What I love most about our relationship is how different we are. Its a strange thing see her gray hair that mirrors mine and to talk about being old and having big kids because that's not the story in my head. In my head we are doing sleepovers and riding bicycles. :) I'm so grateful for the friendship we've shared since we were 14. 

July 25

My niece Lainie graduated from ROTC Cadet training at Ft. Knox. She's amazing to watch, driven and excellent in all she sets out to do (which is a lot!). She lives life large and we're so proud of her.

A nice Saturday work crew showed up and we accomplished some projects with the truck and tractor and willing muscles.

In the early afternoon we switched gears to some fun. My niece Evie had a birthday party and invited friends and family to celebrate. I didn't get many pictures because I sat with Nana, though she did request a picture with the boys and I love it.

Whenever she sees Aiden, she wants to measure if he's grown taller than her. What a thing that must be to watch your great grandchildren growing into adults.

July 26

The day was beautiful and we were anxious to see Amy family and hear about their european adventure.  

Late the night before, my nephew Levi and his girlfriend flew in from TX. This was a good day to lay low as they work to adjust and acclimate to their move to CT.

 

Projet 365, Week 29

Enjoying the summer, filled with work and fun and grand adventures.

July 13

Inexplicably, this boy is 17 and what a gift he is! 

For his birthday, Shaun and I took him out to a fancy steakhouse and enjoyed the time together, eating really great food.

July 14

The trifecta of a CT, PET and MRI...its amazing how we adapt to insane things becoming our normal. Mostly, this is just another day at the office for me. For sure I'm over the 100 mark for these scans.

Shoutout to the nurses and techs who, even though it really is another day at the office for them, still take the time for compassion and making sure I'm comfortable. Warm blankets for the win! 

July 15

Avery and I worked together on bush trimming and leaf removal.

The sky from the canadian wild fires was crazy.

July 16

Aiden got his group together for a lake day. It was perfect weather for it and he did a great job hosting and facilitating the day. I stayed on sight, but tried to be out of sight. :)

SO much history in this one envelope...an invitation to Dakota's mom's wedding. There are no words to tell the full story of our ten-year relationship, just that...here we are and somehow we have become very special and important people in each others lives. When I called her, she told me that if her uncle wasn't able to come to the wedding she was going to ask me to walk her down the aisle. That honor has been hard-earned and is only by the grace of God. He's doing miracles.

July 17

I offered to dog sit while Amy was away. Bauer is old like Ginger, and has some health problems. At first he was ok and then this day it'd been 24 hours since we'd seen him move. He wasn't eating or drinking. I even called Amy, thinking we might need to facetime a goodbye with the family. 

But then he popped up and was ok-ish the rest of the time., just homesick. Shaun dubbed him Lazarus and all week our family played a fun little game called Is Bauer Still Breathing?

I'm happy to report he was returned to his home alive! :)

July 18

Aiden got invited to hike the Presidential Range in Hew Hampshire with Uncle Nathan and Gavin. The range includes 13 major mountains, 9 of which are official "4,000-footers", done over two day.

They got started at 430am!

Aiden checked in, feeling good about things and seeing beautiful scenery.

Life 360 tracked Aiden pretty closely the entire time and Shaun especially was watching his route, along with the weather. Shaun was distracted all day, checking, knowing full well he couldn't do anything to help. You know how sometimes they put a heart rate monitor on the parents in the stands at the Olympics? That could have been Shaun. :)

They arrived at the Summit cold and wet and worn.

From the Summit they had to walk another mile to the hut where they spent the night, intending to get up the next morning to complete the range. However, when they woke the next morning, the wind was 100 mile gusts and it was raining, so, after much thought and debate, they followed their gut along with the advise of the locals and instead of their original plan, took the shortcut back down.

July 19

Avery and Jack invited me to go blueberry picking with them. It was so fun and the berries were quite amazing! 

In the afternoon we had a watch party at the lake. Such enthusiastic soccer fans!

Towards the end of the game the boys arrived, back from New Hampshire and we were clamoring to hear stories from their daring adventure! What a life-affecting experience! I'm so grateful he had the opportunity and for the ways it built him on the inside.