Doing Battle, Week 55

I'm fresh off a weekend of sitting through a two-day soccer tournament, which included watching my girls play seven games and I'm so grateful.

On Friday we went to Sloan to do both a follow-up from my hospital stay and a chemo treatment. I met with the Infectious Disease doctor (who did a great job managing my treatment back in July...she's about my age and is super smart and practical and generous). She took a look at my records and approved what antibiotics I'm on, just extending both by a couple days.

Labs were next. Still, after all this time (and all these needles!!) this part causes me a bit of anxiousness. Its also a bit humorous, because of the variety I've had. The first time they took from my arm, telling me they absolutely do not access the port until I get into treatment. The second time, they said they cannot take from my arm, it must be my hand in case my port doesn't work for treatment. This time, since my port was already accessed (to administer antibiotics), I figured I'd ask the simple question if they could draw from my port. No problem! And right there in the lab area they changed the port needle and took blood from there.

The experience I'm gaining within this whole world makes it more challenging to stay gracious to those caring for me in hospitals and offices. Now that I know too much its harder for me to just "go with the flow" and not ask the question you can't, or you won't?? The same struggle exists for me being a gracious bank customer after working in banking for twelve years. I'm a lover of rules but there are less hard and fast ones than we think.

Wow...talk about getting sidetracked. Anyway...

I met with the surgeon's office too. Dr. T was out, which I knew, but I still wanted to keep her office happy. They've been excellent coordinators and do a great job keeping the ball rolling and they just like to keep tabs on me.

The oncologist took the longest, filling her in on what happened with my infection episode. In the end, she really wanted to play it safe and not mess with my white counts. I had a flicker of disappointment before I got happy that I wasn't going to walk out of there sick and I could be a participant in my weekend. Going in, I was pretty anxious about the treatment, and now I really think it was because my body needed just a little more rest.

Next was a new test for me, an echocardiogram. It took about 30 minutes and was an ultrasound of my heart. I've had several ultrasounds in my life, but we were always looking at a baby. Seeing a baby is most magnificent, but I have to say that watching my heart beat over and over and over on a screen was pretty amazing. Only God could have created something so miraculous.

The tech asked a couple questions about my cancer and said "it changes your life forever, or at least temporarily". I assured him it has changed my life permanently, but in mostly good ways. He said, "I bet I know how. I had prostate cancer and I discovered you really learn who your friends and family are. People I thought would be there for me weren't and others who I didn't know that well really stepped in." I agreed that is a piece of it, that its been completely overwhelming to see our community form and come together and be SO supportive. That its beyond understanding how so many have taken a step forward into our mess when it would have been easier and more convenient to take a step back and wait for this whole cancer-thing to blow over. That daily we are loved on by family and friends, barely acquaintances and complete strangers. Team Lisa is definitely a huge part of my story.

But he wanted to know what other good has come. So, in between having to hold my breath for pictures, I was able to share with him just 0.10% of what I've learned in this past year.

That we are here on Earth for a very short time and never ever promised tomorrow. Life is brief, fleeting and each day matters. That God is good, that his plans for me are good. That he is in control and always faithful. That he is my source of daily, sustaining grace.

"Oh, so you found religion?"

No, not religion. Its deeper than rules and regulations. Its about God pursuing me and His love that never ends and knowing, knowing that He is with me and for me and He is enough.

I left the test thinking that I had so much to share, I wished we'd had hours. There is a work being done in my heart that I'm just so grateful for. I get it when people say, I wouldn't have chosen it, but I wouldn't trade my experience for anything.

After my dad treated me to lunch, we headed out of the city for what would turn into a five hour car ride home. The trifecta of it being Friday, a holiday weekend and pouring rain made for a mess on the roads. I was so glad to not be driving!

(October 11, 2014)  

The Hartford Marathon was this weekend, which caused me to do a great deal of reflecting on last year at this time. I had trained all summer. My body was strong and could run 26.2 miles...in a row! :) It was an emotional race and I could never have guessed what the coming year would hold. I'm so glad I didn't know!

(Next treatment is scheduled for later this week...)

Project 365, Week 41

It was a mixed bag this week, as our lives are apt to be. I'm learning to be thankful in all things. Still working on being thankful in sickness but those times make me absolutely delight in "normal life". It is all grace.

October 4

Shaun spent the afternoon at rehearsal (there's a really exciting, brand new show called Mystery coming next month!!) so the kids and I got some work done and then went out to enjoy the day. Who needs a jungle gym when you have Uncle Nathan??

October 5
This is where I was for 36 hours. Avery got a picture of Shaun administering my antibiotics. He is an ever-faithful hunk of a male nurse. :)

October 6
It was a lovely day to be outside so Amanda set up her homework station in Aiden's tent. He got his gear on and snuck up and scared them, as only a little brother can do.

October 7
Hulk was having a bit of an attitude, but he's still so cute.

During soccer practice, the girls scrimmaged each other.

October 8
The kids had a half day so after homework, we went on a little adventure. New England shows off in the fall.

October 9
New York City at sunrise.

Shaun was the lone chaperone for this crew, a surprise TobyMac concert! Our three littles, along with three cousin littles (Nathanael was the birthday boy) and Z! They are big, huge fans and had so much fun!

October 10
Our day, in a nutshell.

Doing Battle, Week 54

This morning I am up out of bed after 36 hours, feeling like we dodged a bullet. I awoke at 2 AM Monday with a sick stomach that had me up for the rest of the morning. I could not get out of bed. By  the afternoon my temperature started creeping up and Shaun and I started making plans to head down to Urgent Care at Sloan once I reached 101 degrees.

I took some Tylenol and set my alarm to get up twice through the night to check my temperature and thankfully my fever went down. I woke up feeling good, just weak from only having water yesterday, so it seems it was just a virus, thank the Lord.

Without a word of complaint, my superhero husband stepped in and took over like he has done countless time over this past year. He got the kids ready for school and walked them down. He went to the office to try to make us a little money. He was back in time to do school pickup and homework and multiple soccer practice runs and bedtime. Shaun pulled up a chair to our bed and administered my antibiotics.  And then I put him in the difficult position to decide what we were going to do. I lean on him heavy. Sometimes (usually) my brain doesn't function well enough to make choices and I look to Shaun to just tell me what to do, leaving him in a position to make the necessary, hard calls on our next course of action. I'm so grateful for his strong, broad shoulders.

Today I am weary and worn. I don't understand. In real life, I am such a simple, drama-free person, so its been hard to become Complication Girl in this cancer world. My once strong, healthy body that all my life I've taken meticulous care of is not cooperating.

If you believe that somehow God could change your circumstances, but that God has chosen not to, you have the option to receive whatever it is you are dealing with as a gift with a purpose and a promise. If you believe that God could if he would change your circumstances and you've prayed and prayed and prayed but it looks like God is not going to act on your behalf the way you want God to act, you have the option to change your attitude and your perspective about whatever it is you are facing. And you have the option to receive it as a gift with a purpose and a promise. The purpose is yet to be made known; the promise is "My GRACE is sufficient for you". ~Andy Stanley

But He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you [My lovingkindness and My mercy are more than enough—always available—regardless of the situation]; for [My] power is being perfected [and is completed and shows itself most effectively] in [your] weakness.” Therefore, I will all the more gladly boast in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ [may completely enfold me and] may dwell in me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Though this journey can get lonely, I am reminded daily, in multiple ways, that I am not alone. Its such an encouragement, and I thank you for that.

Even though its not Shaun's favorite, he went out of his way to bring me the coffee I like.

My expectations of hospital food are pretty low because there are all sorts of challenges involved, but the food at our local hospital was simply not edible. Fake, processed, nasty. If I ate those meals three times a day, I would be a more regular customer. Shaun smuggled in some real food and I was touched that he would cut up an avocado (first time!) Later, Avery secretly told me that he did it all wrong. :)

In addition to the signs outside my door that said BEWARE...infections! the nurses also posted a sign on my door that said Do Not Disturb while I was conducting interviews on Monday and Tuesday. They were great about it and so was my boss (in case you're wondering, he's not a jerk, I was just insistent to stay involved as long as he was ok with the questionable professionalism of it all, what with the loud speaker going off every so often to get assistance for someone needing to go to the bathroom).

My nieces and nephews have been so sweet even though most of them (mercifully) are too young to understand.  They literally have the faith of a child and have spent countless hours praying for me. They also pick me flowers and sing me songs and make signs.

 Late Tuesday afternoon this crew sprung me out of the hospital. On our walk home (its actually a mile not 1/2) we made another attempt at the family selfie. How'd we do?? :)

I brought home these shower caps for the girls to try out. It comes in a warm package with shampoo and conditioner in it. You massage your head for a few minutes and, wha-la, clean hair with no rinsing.

The girls are learning to do quick errands for me, as I'm avoiding public places. This day Avery was mailing out my CT Scan disk for the surgeon.

Love is spoken in many ways.

There were a few questions about my antibiotics. I'm on two. One is pills three times a day, the other is delivered once a day through my port, which stays accessed, meaning the needle stays in 24/7. Shaun is every nurse's best friend as he's capable of and willing to do so much of my care.

Project 365, Week 40

A week ago I was blogging from a hospital bed. I'm so happy to be back home, sitting at my desk looking out at the morning sun and listening to my kids play in their room. I got to hug everyone this morning and help them get breakfast. I'm on my third load of laundry and later I'll be able to go watch a soccer game. Life is good and life is hard.

September 27

Not happy about waking up in a hospital room, but happy to wake up breathing and happy the sun came up, too.

September 28
A little "behind the scenes" shot of me working. I'm helping with the hiring process and we had a candidate doing a second interview in personal. Since I couldn't be there face-to-face, I joined via video, which was just waist up. :)

September 29
Soon after the kids got home from school, I got to come home from the hospital. It was lovely to be home and to help with homework.

And make the soccer practice run.

September 30
Soccer practice rained out = fun family time

October 1
These two had a short-lived stomach bug so they were home from school. We stayed on different floors of the house most of the day and I lycoled like a mad woman. Later, Avery would mourn that the day was over, recognizing it as a special time she and Aiden had together.

Amanda was happy to be the queen of the downstairs. Her daddy took her shopping to buy some needed sports equipment and she and I made cookies and brought them to the neighbors, something that's been on her heart to do for many days.

October 2
This is the only picture I have from the day, which is unfortunate because I actually got dressed and helped interview a couple people. My nurse came at 7 pm (after giving me a 4-5 range) to change my port access and this is a picture of the setup we have for Shaun to administer some of my antibiotics. Its about a 20 minute process once a day and it allows me to not be in the hospital. I'm embarrassed to admit how exhausted I was from the day and had no trouble sleeping for 10 hours.

October 3
Aiden has quickly caught on to the joy of slow weekend mornings.

Avery played in a soccer game that was cold! 47 degrees at game time with some wind so we dug out the winter gear. :(

More Star Wars Monopoly. It seems to work really well for our crew and we've been surprised how much there is to learn from it (don't tell the kids! :)

He Is Faithful