Numbering Days, Week 36-38

Monday morning after treatment week and knowing I have two months off. When I'm sick, I'm sick, but when I'm feeling good, I feel good! I know that's not terribly clear or profound, but people seem surprised when they see me. On my good days I really do feel good.

Another season, new life...all such a profound gift.

Pop and Kiki delivered a Two Months Off of Treatments gift. With homemade bread and apple pie and chocolate cookies, they hit all of us!

The love and care we are show on a regular basis by people we know well and people we've never met and in between those is just overwhelming and humbling. 

The flower cart around the corner was open for business for the first time this season, a delight to me, eye roll-worthy for Aiden.

As is the way things go, I had a PET scan scheduled for the last day of tax season. I had gotten elevated blood work back and they wanted to look into that further. So at 5 AM I set out for New York. The drive was beautiful even though there was stop and go traffic by 6:15. 

I got injected with radiation and drank a solution, such that they told me to stay away from pregnant women and children for 24 hours. Love that. 

I recently heard the term "scanxiety" for the first time. Some talked about how they are not the same person for a month before, others said they just really don't know how to handle it and it overtakes them. 

There are so many areas I'm growing and learning and struggling, though by nature and a whole lot of diligent work, I'm not a worrisome person. Worry seems to suck the energy that I will need if the thing I'm worrying about actually happens. When the report comes back unfavorably, strength and action are required of me, so I try save it for that. And if a good report comes through, then the time I spent being anxious about it will have been wasted. I realize we are all wired differently and we are at different places in our journey. Fear is a very real thing and so is peace.

I know how the story ends

We will be with you again, you're the one who saves

You're my Savior, my defense, so we don't have to be afraid

No more fear in life or death

I know I don't have scanxiety because I dozed off during the scan itself (and dreamed about taxes!) and the next day I completely forgot about the telemedicine call with the doctor to go over results. I was busy living the life in front of me and only when Amy texted me a reminder (because she was waiting on the call) did I remember.

My doctor is pleased with the PET scan, the CT Scan and the X-rays that I've had in the last month. She said we can take a break for the next two months, starting now!!! I was elated at the news. Two months, in addition to the one I've already had feels like such a long time. I'm so grateful!!