Even after all this time and with all my experience, my default and favorite medical philosophy is 'if you wait long enough and ignore it, it will go away'.
I hate talking about pain. It makes my family feel bad about something they can't help with and when doctors ask me about it, I feel like resolving the pain is solely dependent on my describing it in just the right way. And it feels sooo whiney. Being perceived as not tough is a ridiculous fear I have.
All that said, I have to mention pain as part of these last couple weeks. Nerves are funny things. I should probably bring it up with my doctor, but I already know the script: Can you tell me where the pain is? What does it feel like? On a scale of 1-10 how would you rate the pain? Let's do an MRI. Now let's do a different MRI. And on it goes.
I will discuss it with them, but for this short month of February, I'm just enjoying a break from that whole scene. Its amazing to me how 30 days away can feel like three years. Instead of sweats or a hospital gown, I'm dressing in business attire and working at the tax office. It wipes me out but its a joy to be able to show up for work every day. I sneak in a 20-minute nap when I can and sleep 8-10 hours at night and when I'm able, I seek the heat of the hot tub or heating pad for relief.
The other day I spoke with a new client who recently got diagnosed with colon cancer. Naturally we connected immediately. Mostly I just listened as she shared how her world has been turned upside-down while also wondering....what do I say? What would be most beneficial for her to receive from someone nine years further down the path? I'm still not sure what the answer is.
After 50 years of marriage, what would you say to newlyweds? As a parent of adult children, what would you say to someone who just found out they're pregnant? As the owner of a well-established, profitable business, what would you say to someone just starting out? So much journey to share!
There's much we can learn from each other and I regularly and often seek to learn from others who have more time, more experience, more wisdom but also I think sometimes less is more. With some experience I've learned it is God's great mercy that we cannot see into the future. Not just for cancer but for all of life. Seeing the whole thing at once would be too overwhelming. Today is enough.
So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries.
Today's trouble is enough for today. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else,
and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
Most mornings I go for a walk with the dog. I pray out loud and breathe in the gift of another day. Sometimes I recall something I read years ago and think, it is that way.
A reporter once asked Mother Teresa what she often said when she prayed. Mother Teresa answered saying, “Well, I don't say much. I mostly listen.” The reporter then asked her, “So what does God say to you?” And again, Mother Teresa answered, “Well, he doesn't say much – he just listens.”
One day I looked out and thought, it won't be long until I'm on the porch!
Two days later it was a different story. I'll wait. :)
Next up: March 4th I will go to Manhattan for the second procedure. Until then, I will be undercover as a "normal" person doing mom, wife, receptionist, leader of teens stuff. Join me in taking joy in the ordinary, every day life things that we
get to do. All is grace.
Everything is a grace, everything is the direct effect of our father's love - difficulties, contradictions, humiliations, all the soul's miseries, her burdens, her needs - everything, because through them, she learns humility, realizes her weakness. Everything is a grace because everything is God's gift. Whatever be the character of life or its unexpected events - to the heart that loves, all is well.
