Numbering Days, Week 148-152

Ten years ago when my surgeon looked me in the eye and said, Lisa, I'm going to get you to your kids graduations and weddings, I took it for the hope it was meant to give. In reality, as I look back, I should have taken it more as a word of warning or at least a caution to put on my big girl pants. As I've partially chronicled in this space, its been no small thing to get here. Just...so much. 

Do you know the story of Samson in the Bible? He was chosen and gifted by God and given great strength. Remarkably, he makes it into the "heros of faith" list, even though he was a big dummy. After he made a mess of things, he asks God for his super-human strength one more time. God grants his request and Samson takes down thousands of his enemies and himself in one final act.

As my energy wanes and my limitations grow, I find myself whispering Samson's prayer "Sovereign LORD, remember me again. O God, please strengthen me just one more time"..... Its a little imperfect because our circumstances are different and my prayer has a post script on the end to clarify: You know I don't actually mean just one last time?

Anyway, the wedding day finally arrived and God did give me strength. The day was not about me being sick, it was about beautiful Avery and her man and the covenant they made before God and family and friends. Throughout the day I was able to stay in the moment and appreciate each one for the undeserved gift that it was. The day was brimming with love and joy and peace. It was more than I could have imagined, far greater than I dared to dream. I will always hold it close to my heart.

The week before the wedding, I went for blood work and two-month scans. No matter what I walk into that building for, its difficult. The lame, the crippled, the skin-and-bones, the hairless...all gathered for another appointment as they work towards prolonging their life. 

My oncologist is one of the best anywhere. For many years she's been making progress on the research side. It always makes me happy when I see news about her or see her face on a sign in Manhattan.

When we spoke about the results of the latest scans, she felt comfortable continuing the break I've been on since mid-March and we set up scans two months out, which will be after the 4th of July. I'm soaking up life on this side, giving thanks for the ordinary and extraordinary alike.

From my daily devotional on the Psalms by Tim Keller this week:

What do we do when we are afflicted and in pain? Usually we give in to self-pity, fear, bitterness or envy. 

It is because "everything difficult indicates something more than our theory of life yet embraces" 

(CS Lewis).