Numbering Days, Week 1

Nearly every time I sense God 'speaking' to me, its through a verse or a passage that gets dropped in my heart and is then confirmed in a different way at a different time. An example of this happened recently and I knew I wanted to use it for this next blog series.

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Psalm 90:12

A combination of two versions (MSG & AMP)  I like is:

Teach us to realize the brevity of life, that we may cultivate and bring to You a heart of wisdom.

Eight years ago when I was first diagnosed with cancer, I became acutely aware how brief life is. It changed so much about how I lived, how I viewed life...it is a gift, it should not be taken for granted, it will end. 

And now again I am being made to face how very precious and fleeting this life is.

I did my 3-month radiation follow-up and the doctors are not happy with the test results. There is evidence of a cancer tumor in my lower back pressing against my spinal cord. Because of its location, surgery is not a viable option. Radiation is also not an option this close to previous treatment. Chemotherapy treatment is not what doctors expect will cure the disease. However, it is available with the goal to shrink or slow the tumor’s progression. 

The first call came from the radiologist. After he explained to me that radiation and surgery are not options, I hung up and went back to what I had been doing. Among my very first (irrational) thoughts...but I have to stay here! Who else will unload a my son's damp, smelly camp clothes? (Sidenote: he normally does his own laundry but we had just two hours to get his camp clothes washed and packed up for our vacation.)

The second call, from my oncologist of eight years, came an hour later as we were quite literally loading up the car to head to the airport, West-bound for a family vacation. Only God, in his great love and kindness could have timed a just-the-five-of-us vacation perfectly. The days away from real life gave us time and space to process the news as a family. 

I've known this secret for a while but it was on display plainly while we were away. Joy and sorrow can share the same moments. Holy and hard are often found together.  We shared silly moments and sacred conversations. We cried and we were wowed by creation. Life is brutiful...both decidedly brutal and breathtakingly beautiful.

This Friday I went in for a procedure to re-place the port for chemo administration going forward. My sister was by my side, where she's been for 45 years. 

As I am able, I plan to post here regularly as we navigate this next season in our cancer journey and as I learn more about the brevity of life and endeavor to cultivate a heart of wisdom.

We continue placing our trust in our sovereign Creator. He has been faithful, He will be faithful. Ultimately, we pray His will to be done on earth as it is in heaven. We covet your prayers.