Numbering Days, Week 2

A travel blog sounds fun. Or one on photography or how about a blog with book recommendations/discussions. But cancer? Uh...no. Though, here I am writing about cancer. Again. And I've found its decidedly more difficult to write about it the second time around. But I'm showing up in this space because I know there are so many who care deeply about us and this is a good way to track God's faithfulness....looking back is when we can see most clearly. He has been good, He will be good.

Our first actionable week, in review...

I off-handedly mentioned that I was considered giving up working out and Aiden gently prodded me to keep at it, knowing the important role it plays in helping me feel good.  He's right, so I will put in my 20 minutes as I am able.

(After we took this photo, Avery and I laughed that the light and shadows from the single basement lightbulb made my bicep look massive :))

On Wednesday, Shaun and I drove into the city and met with my oncologist. Our conversation left us with more questions than answers, but at least we came away with a sketched out plan. We are going to do five rounds of chemotherapy and then do scans to see how the tumor is responding. From there, we can do more of the same or switch drugs.

We were scheduled out for a very long day at MSK, but mercifully, the team was able to take us in early.

I know all the things to be grateful for...we have a treatment option and its at the best cancer hospital in the world, which we can drive to and from in a day. We have insurance. I have THE best caregivers and support system. But can I just tell you (as our pastor often says)? This is so hard. 

When I was done with treatment #14 last time, I felt it was just in time and that I'd never be able to do it again. And here I was again, seven years later, still not sure I'd be able to do it again, but doing it all the same. The sights, sounds, smells brought it all back as if no time had passed. I do not feel like I have the courage for this journey. But I have Jesus. And I know unquestioningly that He will provide all that I need.

He really and truly is enough.

With this particular chemo, I get the infusion and then leave with a pump that continues to work for the next 48 hours, which means I can't start feeling better until hour 49. My sweet family stayed close as we laid low....loving, distracting, being, doing. 

We're using this opportunity to teach some life skills to our teenagers, who will soon be adulting. My heart absolutely breaks that this is their story, and at the same time I know the beautiful strength that is growing on the inside of them that they will use going forward to weather the storms of life and be a friend to the hurting. 

We have such a beautiful community and we feel so loved and supported. Thank you, People who are praying and carrying some of the burden for us. Do not underestimate the power of love given.

This morning I was able to walk and talk with God. I breathed in the fresh sunshine, the stillness, the gift of another day with breath in my lungs. All is grace.