Signs of Life

LIFE...beautifully imperfect.

Project 365, Week 7

This week was a sanctifying week. God is using motherhood to refine and change me. Newsflash...parenting is hard work! I currently have more than I can handle or have the skills for, so I am greatly dependent on God and not my own strength or parenting prowess. I've had to face sins I didn't even know were there and give up the idea of control. Its an uncomfortable process, but necessary and good. God has a better plan for me than to leave me the way I am....the goal isn't that I would be comfortable and safe, but that I would be holy. And somedays...that's just hard.

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6

February 8

After a long, hard day, and several requests from that big kid in the middle, I finally conceded that they could play a video game together. But then I had to literally sit in the room with them to make sure the fighting did not get out of hand and that everything stayed appropriate. Not my best parenting day ever.

February 9
Sitting in the guidance office at the high school, this was a timely message for me.

February 10
Are little boys with ashes on their foreheads supposed to be shooting icicle guns?

February 11
Amanda was working diligently on a Valentine's Day card for me, which she presented as soon as she was finished. She included a super-sweet heart-felt message.

February 12
H arrived with no cooking skills, "I don't even know how to crack an egg". One of my missions is that when he leaves he will be able to cook for himself and one day his wife and kids, if he chooses. This week we did omelets and chocolate chip banana bread.

School Valentine's party loot.

Shaun's team had a playoff game and lost, ending their season.

The three bros.

February 13
Last regular season games for the girls.

February 14
Passion of the King rehearsals have started and Opening Night is just over a month away. If you want good seats at the performance of your choice, it would be a good idea to get them now HERE. They go fast!

Sunday's being his short day, Shaun took us out to dinner. It was SO good to get some time with him!

Lots of love this day. :)

My Valentine

Shaun and I were 19 & 23 when we stood at the altar and said our vows. Though I felt the weight of their importance and knew the words I was saying would be for life, I could not have, in my wildest imagination, dreamed up all the life we would carry those vows through:

Major remodels (doing the work ourselves) on three primary residences
Two moves
Attending college
Both sets of parents divorcing
Being in debt
Job changes
Having three biological children
Taking in foster children
Tight financial times
A major illness

The major illness, cancer, is the most recent and by far the most difficult. In fact, statistically there is a 33% chance of divorce during or after a significant illness where the wife is the one who is sick. Many nurses have commented to us how rare it is to see a man like Shaun, consistently being there and loving so hard. One ER nurse, not much older than me, told me of her own cancer journey. When it was over and she was cleared, her husband asked for a divorce stating, "the last year has been all about you".

And its so true...this year, now year and a half, has been ALL about me. Everyday last year our number one thing each day was Lisa has cancer, what does that mean for today? Pain, appointments, treatment, naps, sickness?

Shaun faithfully continued to do his thing as much as possible, while taking on the kids and household responsibilities, and also being my primary care giver. He's been the principal decision-maker, always with his family's best-interest in mind. A myriad of untold things have been asked of him and through it all, he's never complained, he just faithfully gets up and does another day. I've never even seen him roll his eyes or sigh heavily. Instead, I see the pain in his eyes, wishing he could take mine away, desperately praying that this does not take me away from him too soon. I see love in his eyes, and I know I am loved, not for what I do, but for who I am and what I mean to him.

When you're weak, I'll be strong
When you let go, I'll hold on
When you need to cry, I swear that I'll be there to dry your eyes
When you feel lost and scared to death
Like you can't take one more step
Just take my hand, together we can do it
I'm gonna love you though it

Today, our 26th Valentine's Day together, I do not expect that Shaun will buy me flowers (he better not! ;). I won't get chocolates or a romantic dinner. It's highly unlikely I will even get a card. You might conclude then that he isn't very romantic. I would say he's about as romantic as they come. He's the kind of man...

The kind of man whose romance isn't flashy--because love is gritty.
The kind of man whose romance isn't about cameras--because its about Christ.
The kind of man whose romance doesn't have to go viral--because its going eternal.
~Ann Voskamp

I love you, Shaun. Thank you.

February's 10 on 10

10 pictures on the 10th day of the month,  (Wednesday).

{Document a snapshot of your life & find beauty among the ordinary things in your day! }

I got on the computer in the dark wee hours while the house slept to get some work done. It has been very challenging to get anything done with snow days and one high-maintenance kid who isn't attending school.

My favorite two ways to pray are writing and walking (obviously I need to choose just one at a time ;). While its cold outside, I pace in my kitchen.

Its been a process getting H transferred to a school where we live. This was day two in a row at this particular school, talking to people, filling out paperwork, registering for classes, etc.

When we arrived it was freezing and snowing. Usually we have to buzz in though someone let us in the front entrance then said, we're in lockdown, so you'll have to stay here. What? Why did you let us in?? Thankfully, it was just a drill. So incredibly sad that our kids live in a world where those drills are necessary.

Finally I'd gathered enough paperwork and met with enough people that we were able to proceed with picking classes for the remainder of H's freshman year.

The snow tapered, so we hit our three properties.

Then we went to the mall to get necessities like school pants and shoes. H immediately spotted these shoes on the wall as the coolest ones. I had silently noticed them right off too, but I noted to myself how ugly they were. The young sales guy supported H's opinion that they were really cool. I'm getting old!!

School pick up...one of the best times of the day.

From the library we borrowed Aiden a Star Wars book with a read-aloud CD...he was riveted.

When I went back to pick Amanda up from Knitting Club, I saw police cars and an ambulance. Fresh from my lock down drill earlier in the day my heart skipped a couple beats and I immediately started praying emergency prayers.  You know....the big fancy ones like Oh, Jesus!

They were doing CPR on Avery's classmate's grandpa, who was there to pick up his granddaughter. Sadly, he did not survive his heart attack.

Bedtime comes too soon for this little guy...he's ready by 7PM and still I have to wake him up in the mornings at 7:30 AM.

The big kids came in rosy-cheeked from night sledding.

The Correct Path

Its been a tough time in the world of foster care. It doesn't ever get un-hard, but sometimes the hard is harder. The first days and weeks of a new kid are always particularly challenging while we all figure each other out, establish rules of engagement and get settled. At the same time we are also sending one out and that comes with lots of emotion for all parties involved. All of this while Shaun is in the height of the tax season craziness.

I feel inadequate, under-qualified and then realize...I am! That knowledge sends me to my knees as I ask for wisdom, power, patience. I'm so thankful for God's grace! And like I remind the kids, its a new day, with new mercies!

"The weaker you are, the more obvious it is who is really in charge."

Project 365, Week 6

A day of pain followed by the seven-month anniversary of my surgery followed by a less than positive visit with a new wound doctor had me feeling frustrated and discouraged this week. My expectations and my timeline were so different than the reality of where we are now and the constant, day after day suspense we've been living with, the what's-going-to-happen-next, when-is-this-going-to-be-over dailyness of it is wearing.

So when I woke up on that next morning, I did the only thing I could do. I gave it all to God. The Bible tells us that we can cast all our cares on Him because he cares for us. Its all too much for me to carry and worry about so I purposed not to.

And then I just praised Him. I thanked Him for being a big, big God and for loving me and for taking care of me. I thanked Him for the blessings in my life, an inexhaustible list, and I remembered all the reasons I have to worship. And I determined to focus on His power and not my problems. It didn't make them magically go away, I'm just not under the weight of them anymore.

And this is my prayer in the fire

In weakness or trial or pain

There is a faith proved of more worth than gold

So refine me Lord through the flame

This is my prayer in the battle

When triumph is still on its way

I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ

So firm on His promise I'll stand

I will bring praise, I will bring praise

No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice, I will declare

God is my victory and He is here

Here's some of those blessings I am thankful for. :)

February 1

Lots of basketball shooting going on this week, especially for Aiden and Amanda. Aiden was recently shown how to shoot such that the ball actually goes into the hoop, which has, understandably, made the endeavor much more enjoyable. He tries to get 50 baskets and then the next day he tries for 75 and on.

The goal Amanda is working on is to not cause fights while she's out there playing with others. :)

February 2
More of the same.

February 3
The sunrise was superb, which was such a gift because the rest of the day was gray and rainy.

When I came in the house from taking pictures and talking to God, I found the girls were up and admiring the view as well.

Train them up in the way they should go and when they are old they will not depart. ;)

February 4
I made several attempts to play basketball with Aiden in various ways (guard him, feed him the ball, etc) but he really just prefers me to be out there watching him while he talks and talks. And talks.

Its something I've learned and am learning...slowing down enough to really listen. To be available for the talks of legos and battles and hoops. First, its all of high importance to him and I'm honored he wants to share it with me. But also I've found that beautiful heart-talks are hidden right in the middle of a monologue about weaponry on a lego ship or fun facts about sharks.

February 5
Our first SNOW day! It snowed until about 3 PM and then the sun came out and God showed off.

February 6
Basketball and shoveling and sledding.

My favorite part of the day was when Shaun came home before 9 PM and the kids got to stay up late because it wasn't a school night. We tucked in close together and hung out. What do they do for fun on a Saturday night? Math problems!!

February 7
BRONCOS Day, aka the Super Bowl. :)

The three brothers...the most knowledgable, die hard fans I know.

Dance party during the half time show.