Project 365, Week 15

This week was spring break for the kids so, unhandily, they didn't have school for the week while Shaun and I were in the end-of-tax-season crunch. We got through it and made it work!

April 11

Even though the "Welcome" sign never made it out, people came in droves anyway. The phone, the door were constant all day and it was relieving to finally lock the door.

April 12

Amanda discovered eggs in our front door wreath.

April 13

Avery got up early and went to serve at our church's food pantry.

In wandering the house, I happened upon these two separate groups, one reading together, one working out/talking about the issues of life. 

April 14

Classic April....blooms, soccer equipment in the car or on the floor (very occasionally in the closet where it belongs) and The Passion at our church. 

April 15

Normally I do a little yard work at a time in the weeks leading up to us hosting Easter. This year I wasn't physically able to so, just like that we had a crew for several hours on this Good Friday. Our friend Jason came with his equipment and son and Amy came with several kids (and the dogs, too :). The kids worked hard and horsed around and somehow we got leaves removed and mulch laid. What a blessing it was to have the help!!

Amy took Amanda and Aiden home with her and they got to decorate eggs.

The kids ended up serving at church during the final show of The Passion and Shaun and I stayed home with a sick Dakota. 

P.S. It was Shaun's birthday, which is how his birthdays often go, poor guy. 

April 16

Another day, another scan, this one on a Saturday. My dad drove me down to New York and the traffic was heavy....the 90 minute trip took three hours, but we got back in good time. He dropped me off at church and I snuck in to sit next to my family for the last half of our Saturday evening Easter service.

And then it was home to do some baking for the crowd coming the next day.

April 17

Easter Sunday...He is risen!! If Jesus had not risen from the dead, our faith would be useless. Instead, he provided, our for the receiving, the gift of grace, pardon, salvation.

Earlier in the week when we'd gotten the news that another spot of cancer had been found, Amy suggested that we pivot from hosting Easter, thinking maybe cancer and the end of tax season was enough on its own. But I insisted on leaving things as they were. There are few things that give me more joy than having my house full of people. And we were wonderfully FULL, with 50 people! Everyone brought something and several pitched in to do clean up. The younger kids did an egg hunt and the bigger kids did a photo challenge around the neighborhood. It was chilly out so we mostly stayed inside, with the fireplace going. It was a wonderful day!

 

April's 10 on 10

10 pictures on the 10th day (Sunday) of the month! 

{Document a snapshot of your life...find beauty among the ordinary things in your day!}

Because life, whether I'm dealing with cancer or humans or the girl in the mirror, life is too much for me to do on my own. 

Do not yield to fear, for I am always near. Never turn your gaze 

from me, for I am your faithful God. I will infuse you with 

my strength and help you in every situation. I will hold you 

firmly with my victorious right hand. Is 41:10

He is faithful.

This was Aiden's last flag football game. He and his bros enjoyed playing together a couple times a week in a very low-key league. It was the perfect way to stay active in the last weeks of cold weather.

And then we were off to New York City. I didn't know MRIs were even scheduled on the weekends but they squeezed me in, anxious to check things out, and actually its preferable because traffic is easier. Since it was a Sunday, we thought it'd be nice to make it a family day. 

They dropped me at the door to do my MRI and they headed to the Met, which was within walking distance of the hospital. This hospital entrance triggers deep feelings. Some of my hardest days have been spent here and also, I am still here, alive, today because of this place.

We've learned to make lemonade out of lemons, to find and celebrate good because rarely does life look like we envisioned.

On our way home we stopped for dinner at a family-favorite restaurant.

Then we drove back to the suburbs while watching the backside of a beautiful sunset. It was a good day.

 

Doing Battle, Week 81 & 82

Tough to sum up these two weeks. Normally the tax season closeout is enough to handle but this year we added 1 CT Scan, 2 MRIs (all requiring separate trips to New York) and 3 telemed doctor appointments, which included conversations such as "there's new cancer". 

Rainbows mean promises kept. There are miracles everywhere, we just need eyes to see.

Avery's good company.

We received food from a couple different friends, made with much love.

This seemingly ordinary photo is an extraordinary act of faithful love. Shaun is unceasingly attentive and caring...he has a deep well of patience, compassion and a will to get up every day and do what needs to be done for his family.

Bending down, pulling blankets...all currently painful activities for me. Because of this, Shaun has been making the bed, something I care deeply about and he cares not at all. When I saw that he'd arranged everything to make things easier for me, my heart burst. We were 19 and 23 when we stood before God and witnesses and committed to sticking it out in good times and bad and health. This is a picture of what love in sickness looks like.

I still remember so clearly the day I got the original call back in 2014 that I had cancer. The doctor delivered the news and then told me a staff member would be calling to schedule next appointments. In preparation for that call, I opened up my day planner, which was full of typical fall activities of a young family with four kids. That person never asked me when I needed to be driving kids to soccer practice, she just gave me a list of a half dozen appointments that had been made for me.

Fast forward seven years, a post-radiation MRI was scheduled for mid-April. Feeling good, I declined the appointment, knowing how hectic the last couple days of tax season are. But then on March 30th I woke up with pain that made it hard to do every day activities, such as walking and sneezing, so my doctors wanted to move things back up. And so, on this Sunday we headed down to Manhattan for blood work and an MRI.

My first telemedicine visit with my oncologist of seven years, and it was nice to not have to drive into the city to get 10 minutes with her. She let me know that both the blood work and the MRI indicated another spot of cancer. She ordered a CT Scan.

The next day, a telemedicine visit with my radiologist who I have never met in person. He said he had already seen that "other" spot when he was planning out my radiation back in February and so he widened the radiation field. He felt certain it had already been treated and that what I was feeling was a fallout due to the amount of radiation I've had in my life, especially most recently. He ordered another MRI to look at the area a different way.

He also addressed the pain I had reported when I "called his office crying." In all these years I have cried just once because of pain, it was two days after my major surgery. When I was recalling his comment after the call, my mind cut to a scene from Anne of Green Gables when Anne declared she would never forgive Gilbert Blythe because he'd called her "carrots" in front of the whole class.

Alas, I have already forgiven him because he's been instrumental in getting me back to health. Also, I realize there are no extra points for not crying, its just who I am. ;)

Days later, our post-MRI #2 call...from the happy faces Amy captured maybe you can tell that the report was GOOD!! NO new cancer!! The spot they were concerned about was one the radiologist had already seen and it got treated in February. We felt great relief and are rejoicing and exhaling!

The reason for the back and hip pain I've been experiencing all these weeks is a sacral fracture. Its most common in elderly women with osteoporosis (I definitely feel elderly!!) but also a known side-effect of radiation in the quantity I've had. There is really no treatment for it other than rest and time, up to seven months. I will happily endure that...I figure its a good trade for a life-saving treatment.

One of my very least favorite sayings/words of advice is Follow your heart. On any given day, leaving my heart on the default setting would result in calamity and disaster. Daily, I have to remind myself of truth, recall God's faithfulness and big-ness.  My strength, my peace come from Him...HE is the source of all good and true things. This song has been one of my anthems:

I love Your voice

You have led me through the fire

In darkest night You are close like no other

I've known You as a Father

I've known You as a Friend

And I have lived in the goodness of God

'Cause all my life You have been faithful, 

And all my life You have been so, so good

With every breath that I am able

Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God

Project 365, Week 14

About this time we are very ready for tax season to be over. It starts to show that things (and people) have been neglected for too long and the state of imbalance we've been in is not sustainable or healthy. But now there is light at the end of the tunnel and we're very near the end!

April 4

Aiden usually studies TBQ at night but now that his team has made it to regionals, he's pulling his book out in the morning, too. And always a bowl of cereal to start the day.

April 5

Parent meeting for tennis, which Amanda is doing this spring. I snapped this quickly so it wasn't planned that we have the same expression.

April 6

My niece Maddy turned 21 this day!! My sister, who is the best celebrator of people, put together a low key brunch at one of Maddy's favorite spots. It was so special!

Amanda and two friends worked hard on a 10th grade project. They went to UCONN to interview students, put together their findings and presented to a room of parents and faculty. They did a great job!!

We went straight to dress rehearsal for The Passion. None of us are involved in the show this year, other than serving during the performances.

April 7

My favorite kind of plant is the one a kid grows at school and then brings home to me.

April 8

I cut out of work early enough to sit on the porch in the afternoon sun. Aiden and then Avery joined me with their books as well...delightful!!

First performance with a sold out, enthusiastic crowd.

Shaun added what help he could, not wanting to be that guy who breezes in to hand out advice, but also he has more than a decade of experience doing sound for the show.

April 9

Rainy Saturday.

April 10

I had an MRI in the city, so we took the family and made a day out of it. The city was coming alive with signs of spring.

 

Doing Battle, Week 79 & 80

I woke up on this morning feeling great! I worked out and then went for a walk with the dog...it was quiet, brisk and we got to watch the sun come up. 

The next morning I woke up with hip and back pain, which initially I thought was just from my workouts but after giving it several days, I called the radiologist to report the change.

Its completely irrational, but I have a fear that one of these times the doctor will call me out as a wimp, telling me its not as bad as I say. I expect myself and others to "man up" and toughness is a virtue to me.

Anyway, this new development slowed me waaay down. Shaun is happy to sit with me in the evenings, quietly reading like I pictured doing when we were eighty.

I started doing some planning for my flowers. I'm not a natural, but I enjoy it and try to learn something new each year. For instance, last year my aunt casually talked about her color scheme and I'd never even considered going with a theme, I just pick the ones I like. I took great delight in scrolling through the beauty of plants and living things.

 

One day Avery said, this house is such a mess! I normally do 15-20 minutes of maintenance a day that they don't see and it doesn't take long for a disaster to strike without the daily care.

We're working on getting them more involved.

Aiden: Mom, this is how you spend your life?? Ha!

Now it works best when I'm sitting at my standing desk. We're all about being flexible! Work has been a useful diversion but also challenging to muscle through. But we just keep doing what needs to be done, giving it our best.

God, You will keep me in perfect and constant peace as my mind 

is steadfast [that is, committed and focused on You] 

Because I trust and take refuge in You, with 

hope and confident expectation. Is 26:3