The other day I was looking through this blog, briefly reviewing the year as I started to compose our family Christmas letter. I started the year doing a "State of the House" post, a month's recap of the goings-on and state of things around here.
It lasted two months and now it annoys me because I know why I stopped. The spring, post surgery #2 was a dark time for me. When my pride allows, I would even call it a depression. I didn't even have words then to sort my feelings and pen my thoughts, so I didn't. I would have eventually picked it back up but I've been slowly coming off of chemo brain (which among other things, means a severe lack of short-term memory and focus).
All that to say, I'm back in October (which isn't even October anymore...where do the days go??) to do a State of the House.
This month was all about fall things and sports. Health and able bodies is not something we take for granted around here and having a grateful attitude that we get to do these things helps stave off the grumbling of yet another mom taxi ride or early, chilly Saturday morning on the soccer field. This month I trained for and ran a half-marathon, the kids were on a combined four soccer teams (one of which Shaun coached), H ran cross country and Shaun started basketball back up. Some days have been hectic but mostly we've seen growth in character and ability as they learn how to navigate teammates and coaches and experience the rewards (and sacrifices) of dedication and commitment.
Shaun has spent many hours on the roofing project at our old house. We're trying to phase him out of these manual labor jobs but it still seems like just a good idea and not something that's super practical yet. It takes a toll. Thankfully, and just as the weather is starting to turn, its wrapping up. It would be really great to get a tenant in there soon, before winter.
I have been adjusting to working outside the home....generally my schedule is M-F, 9-2. That allows me to drop off the kids at school, start a load of laundry and clean up the kitchen before heading off and then be back to pick them up after school. Its an ideal schedule, but its definitely taken some adjusting (that I'm still doing, even two months in).
I can't shake the feeling that I'm a "fish out of water" being out of the cancer world (totally backwards, I know!) and I often feel strange that I've arrived back on the scene of life that kept going while I ducked out for a couple years. Hard to explain, but ultimately it means I am practicing what I preach to my kids and am "doing it afraid". "It" being normal people stuff...everything from waking up every morning and making the decision to get out of bed and shower to going to a new job when you don't know the answers to questions you'll be asked. We drill into our kids that feeling fear is natural, but we can't make decisions out of fear and let it be the boss and that's what I try to do each day, while also fighting off the desire to hermit-up in my home.
So we press on and find the gifts in the days that make up the month and are thankful for another one that we get to do together.