Numbering Days, Week 12

Recover, prepare. Recover, prepare. This is my rhythm in this season. And in the sweet middle I soak up the beauty that is living and breathing and participating in the abundance that is my life. It is, of course a daily choice I make, this choosing to see all as grace. 

Last Saturday was gorgeous and warm, with the leaves at peak. My family was gone to here and there, so I grabbed my camera and the dog and went to a park that I knew was beautiful. I stood at the edge of a very inviting path, fighting against the feelings of regret and sadness that my body is currently not able to do a hike through the woods. Instead of giving into the impending dark spiral, I made a choice and did the work to remind myself of truth. The truth that God is trustworthy. That He created us and loves us and has good plans for us. That He really is with us and for us and that He is sovereign.

Putting my game face on looks similar before each treatment. I workout (which more accurately could be called moving my body). I worship and praise like my life depends on it, though other times all I can do is whisper the name of Jesus. I clean and scrub random parts of the house.

Aiden really wanted to accompany us again. At the last minute, his soccer practice was canceled due to rain, so we pulled him out of school a little early and headed to New York. Back at home, Amy brought food and ate dinner with the girls at our house.

I declared this the last photo of me holding up the treatment number. This was number six for this summer/fall, with no known end. I don't want to be taking pictures when I run out of fingers. In total, it was number 20 of chemo treatments I've received in the last eight years. What a mercy that we are not allowed a glimpse into our futures.

A highlight this week was senior night at half time of the girls soccer game. My pump was still attached, sending chemo through my veins and I was exhausted and ill, but wild horses couldn't have kept me away. The night is a little fuzzy to me, but I love this complete family photo. 

We met with the radiologist, a follow-up that was scheduled back in July. There wasn't much new information shared. Amy thinks he lacks compassion and that is what I like about him. :) No pity, no compassion...just expertise, please. :) I'm at the very best hospital with world-renown doctors and I'm so incredibly grateful for that luxury. I'm also in direct communication with the Great Physician. How blessed I am!

Out of the depths I cry to You

In darkest places I will call

Incline Your ear to me anew

And hear my cry for mercy Lord

Were You to count my sinful ways

How could I come before Your throne

Yet full forgiveness meets my gaze

I stand redeemed by grace alone

So put Your hope in God alone

Take courage in His power to save

Completely and forever won

By Christ emerging from the grave

Now He has come to make a way

And God Himself has paid the price

That all who trust in Him today

Find healing in His sacrifice

That all who trust in Him today

Find healing in His sacrifice

I will wait for You, I will wait for You

Through the storm and through the night

I will wait for You, surely wait for You

For Your love is my delight