Last night Amanda was not feeling well. After the first episode, I gave her a bath. By the second time, I needed a bath, too. When her daddy suggested that I take a shower with her, her little pitiful self agreed. I held her and she snuggled right up against me, her head rested on my shoulder. We just stood under the warm shower, rocking back and forth.
Suddenly, I was brought back to the very first time I stood rocking in the warm shower with Amanda for a long time....when I was in labor. I told her that and we talked a little about that night. Oddly, I even felt mild labor-like pain in my upper thigh, though I suspect that was from the morning's lunges.
(I'm 7 months pregnant with Amanda here...you know, when I was still "cute")
The wonderful moment when we got to meet each other for the first time. I held her for a good hour before they took her to be cleaned up.
We got to the hospital at 2:30 AM, she was born at 5:30 AM and we left the hospital that same day at, well...2:10 PM, it looks like from the clock on the wall. I was feeling good and anxious to be home.
Now my baby is a big three year-old girl who got up out of bed at 6:30 this morning, went to the bathroom to get a drink, went back in her room, closed the door and got back in bed. I was downstairs and heard the pitter-patter so I went up to check on her. When I asked if she was ok she very matter-of-factly told me she'd gotten a little drink because she was thirsty. No more baby.
Sometimes I feel so inadequate to be her mother. She has such a unique, dynamic personality, I sometimes think she would have been better off in the care of someone who understands her better, who is more like her. Not that I don't love being her mother, because I do. She is such a great joy to us! I just start to listen to the lies that I can't be all she needs. And then I realize I cannot be all she needs...in my own strength. I need God's help daily...now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us...I know that God matched us up on purpose and I'm just so thankful.
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.
Jeremiah 1:5
so sweet....praying she is feeling better soon and that no one else gets it.
ReplyDeleteSo beautiful, Lis. Such a poignant reminder of just how vital it is for us Mamas to be plugged into Him!
ReplyDeleteHi Lisa...I am late reading the Wednesday Walk. I loved your story and the pictures.
ReplyDeleteNothing better than being a mommy. But it is a big job. I like how you realise you can't do it without God!
This is so true with everything ...we need God in everything we do.
I can do all things through God who strengthens me!
this is absolutely precious!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful written, Lisa. This is how I feel most of the time with Savannah - totally inadequate - love being her mama, but sometimes I wonder if I'll ever really know what I'm doing. Good thing we're not doing it in our own strength!
ReplyDeleteThose are some precious newborn pics. :)