Monday, December 22, 2014

Doing Battle, Week 13

How happy am I that this is not an "on" Monday but instead I'm looking forward to a week of all things Christmas?!?  To answer my own question, VERY happy! :)

We are coming off a difficult week, physically and mentally. For the first time when I was typing the week number in the title I didn't think its already been __weeks? Instead I thought its only been 13 weeks? I feel my perspective of real life slipping. Of what it was like before and what it is like outside of these four walls.

I guess that may be because we didn't get the break we've come to expect. By now we anticipate that Monday-Wednesday will be lost (lost for me, extra work for Shaun), but it was disheartening to have it continue into this week. My energy is depleted. And not because I've been trying to get too much done....there's been a whole lot of couch-sitting and nap-taking. One day I took two naps to rest up from all my couch sitting.

The frustration threatens to sneak into the frayed edges but I can't give in to it. I am just limited right now and no amount of will power is changing that. I used to be a powerhouse of activity and a slayer of to-do lists and if there was something big like Christmas to get ready for, well, I'd just be more organized or get up earlier. But right now my body is unrelenting in its insistence that I rest. So, I'm working on just being present and absorbing Shaun's reassurances that its ok...I'm killing cancer and that's what I'm supposed to be doing.

Its hard to watch him carry so much weight on his shoulders. He is extraordinarily strong and able and is loving our family well and without a word of complaint, but gosh, he's got a lot on him. 

My friend and I were talking the other day about wedding vows and how when you are standing at the altar young and in love and, let's be honest, naive, its easy enough to say I'll stick with you for better or worse, in sickness and in health, but there is just no way to know what will be required of you to live out those vows. You can't know on your wedding day what the "underbelly" of your marriage will look like.

Back when we were in the beginning stages of all of this, Shaun said one of THE most romantic things I've ever heard. He said to me with all sincerity, I wish I'd known 20 years ago that my wife was going to get cancer....I would have gone to medical school. Makes me tear up just writing it. To be loved like that!

We know we are not here by accident and already we are seeing some of God's glorious unfolding in this story..and so we wait and see and will, no doubt, be amazed.

Thank you. For your love, your prayers, your support. This is far from a two-person show and we are so very grateful for your input into our lives.




Lay your head down tonight
Take a rest from the fight
Don’t try to figure it out
Just listen to what I’m whispering to your heart
‘Cause I know this is not
Anything like you thought
The story of your life was gonna be
And it feels like the end has started closing in on you
But it’s just not true
There’s so much of the story that’s still yet to unfold

And this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise God has made to us
And watch this glorious unfolding

God’s plan from the start
For this world and your heart
Has been to show His glory and His grace
Forever revealing the depth and the beauty of
His unfailing Love
And the story has only begun

And this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
We’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise God has made to us
And watch this glorious unfolding

We were made to run through fields of forever
Singing songs to our Savior and King
So let us remember this life we’re living
Is just the beginning of the beginning

Of this glorious unfolding
We will watch and see and we will be amazed
If we just keep on believing the story is so far from over
And hold on to every promise God has made to us
We’ll see the glorious unfolding


3 comments:

Ashley Beth said...

You are so much on my mind and in my constant running prayers in my head. When I'm cleaning or cooking (or complaining to myself), God often brings you to my mind and I whisper prayers for whatever it is that you're going through at that moment. I'm thankful you get to have an "off" week and share this special time with a little more peace and calm. Merry Christmas to you all. So glad you will be surrounded by people who love you well!

Amanda Robinson said...

I am humbled and inspired.

The Bug said...

Fighting cancer is definitely your job - and I'm so glad you have Shaun to help with everything else.