Numbering Days, Week 18

Recovery took longer than I expected this time around and then once I was feeling better I was overwhelmed by how much needed to be done. Honestly, its always a bit daunting stepping back into life after having ducked out for many days. I liken it to stepping onto a moving walkway, like they have at the airport, after having crawled next to it for a stretch.

I'm so very grateful for the luxury of my situation. I have an understanding husband, kids who can largely take care of themselves and I am not the primary income-earner in our family. This means, even though its frustrating to me, I'm able to sit in a chair an extra day or three without it adversely affecting the household. That is huge!

We had a call with the oncologist this week. 

What she said: after this Monday treatment, you can take a week off and not have another infusion until the new year. Additionally, she offered to back off the potency about 10%, which should not effect the efficacy but should lessen the side effects.

What I heard her say: after this Monday treatment, you can have Christmas off. In fact, we'll just end all these silly treatments and you can just go live your life, which will be long and prosperous and without suffering.

For real. This is why I do my best to have Shaun and Amy with me for discussions with doctors. Inevitably, I latch on to a piece of information I want to hear, then am unable to receive or process the rest of the conversation. Part personality, part coping, I think.

Standing at the altar before witnesses, there is no way to know what it will entail, what it will cost when you vow to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. Too many add an invisible *asterick* at the end....as long as its not too poor, or too sick. As long as I can still maintain a fair amount of selfishness, as long as I am made to feel decently happy which, after all, is what I deserve. 

Shaun tirelessly and so very tenderly carries out his vows, day after day. One of the thousands of ways he puts love into action is making our bed. He doesn't care about it at all but knows that I do and so, knowing that its painful for me to pull the covers, he just does it. He is a special kind of wonderful (and he'll not appreciate me saying that 😉 )

God's extravagant love is unmatched. He is a miracle-working God...I see that in the start of a new day, in the ways He's transforming my heart, in the ways my understanding of eternity is being enlightened, in the sacrificial love that is being poured out by friends and family. So many miracles. Oh, the wonders of His love!