Thoughts on Marriage

We celebrated 25 years of marriage together, longer than most couples in our circle, in part because we are older but also because some have divorced and are accumulating years on their second marriage. Given that, I thought I would share a few tidbits of unsolicited marriage advice. Its not "flashy" or terribly romantic, but its simple and doable.

Most important: recognize that no human can love you as much as you want and need to be loved. Only God can. Its not your mate's job to "complete" you. Spend time with God and look to Him as your Source. He can and will fulfill you in the ways you're hoping for and it will take the pressure off of your spouse.

Second: Use basic manners and speak in a kind tone. Sometimes I'll overhear a phone conversation and I think to myself, the tone they are using means it must be their spouse and not a perfect stranger. It should not be that we speak to strangers with more respect and kindness than to the person we love the most in this world.

Third: I used to have a long mental list of areas where Shaun could improve, both as a person and a husband (and, to be clear, by "improve" I mostly mean become a little more like me ;). After spending some time being frustrated, I made a deal with myself that as soon as I got my own list completed and was finally a perfect person and wife, then I could feel free to move on to his list. (Its not looking good for me finishing my list anytime soon.)

Fourth: I sometimes ask myself the question, is this (thought, word, action) moving toward the relationship? If not, then its moving away from it. And that's probably not the best option, given that I promised to stay IN it.

Project 365, Week 20

Spring in CT is so amazing!! So is a "normal" week.

May 13

Its always an adventure to see what mood Amanda will arrive home from school with. This day I was greeted with a smile and a carefully picked bouquet on the walk from the bus stop. :)

May 14

Middle school chorus concert. Amanda nailed her solo that she'd practiced 300 times. Very proud of her for doing something so brave...that takes extra guts in middle school.

May 15

Capturing the moments of friendship because some days its rare.

May 16

Sweet boy.

May 17

Avery and Amanda's small group leader at church was getting married. I brought the girls so they could see what a Christian wedding looks like. Its so worth it to do it God's way!

May 18

After dropping J at the barn for a horse show, I picked up Amy and we went to a large farmer's market to get our flowers for the season at hugely discounted prices. It was a beautiful morning and so much fun to get the time together.

With a team effort we got a truck load of mulching done.

I love it when family, friends and neighbors are gathered.

Project 365, Week 19

I struggled this week in my head as I processed the hard of this life we've chosen....the love we give is costly and the outcome is out of our control. I leaned into Jesus, because its all bigger than me.

May 6

A lovely afternoon for games on the porch!

May 7
J's first day at her new job, a small-town grocery store just minutes from our house.

So sweet to watch Shaun working with the girls on soccer before Aiden's game. (Sweet from a distance because there was likely some level of arguing involved).

May 8
Shaun surprised the kids by taking them to see End Game after school. That meant I was home, alone for several hours, an extremely rare occurence. I mostly did yardwork, but it was incredible.

May 9
He's a faithful reader of the comics section.

This is our yard. In our entire neighborhood there is not another house with dandelions. Shaun picked up some lawn treatment stuff to deal with it. I was so proud of Avery for questioning, "why would we want to spend time and money on our lawn??". Shaun explained to her that by moving into this neighborhood, we obligated ourselves to take care of it because even though we don't care, our neighbors care deeply.

May 10
So thankful for a place where our kids love to go. They came in 4th with tribe wars.

May 11
Shaun's been working with Aiden on his hitting and its paying off! Down a run, bottom of the last inning, two outs and Aiden got a hit, which also brought in the tying run, putting them into an extra inning to ultimately win the game. He got the game ball!

Shaun's mom gathered the family for a picnic. The weather was supreme!

May 12
Mother's Day. Since it was cold and rainy, we kept it low key. Since becoming a foster mom, its a bittersweet day for me. There is so much loss and brokenness where there "should be" beauty and wholeness.

Motherhood makes me painfully aware of my inadequacies and weaknesses. I fall short of where I wish I was and often I'm pretty sure I'm doing it all wrong. But these guys are generous with their love and praise and I'm so grateful for them.

The kids all made me beautiful cards with humbling messages. Aiden, not an artist by trade, took extra care on his project. I thought maybe it was a picture of me in a grave, but its actually me on the porch reading my Bible. :)

May's 10 on 10

10 pictures on the 10th day of the month (Friday).

{Document a snapshot of your life; find beauty among the ordinary things in your day! }

School mornings. When the kids were young I would hear parents complaining about how hard it was to get their kids out of bed (in highschool!!) and I always wondered why the parent was even involved and vowed not to do that. To that end, when each kid started school they were gifted with their very own alarm clock....no fighting or frustration with that part of the morning! Still a bit of a scramble to put their lunch together and eat breakfast.

Once every one is gone, I have some time to pick up around the house and leave a candy in each person's room who made their bed. Amanda's very good friends are always carefully lined up after a busy night of comforting snuggles.

The landlord does a first-class job of maintaining the plaza where the office is located.

The pace is so much more manageable now! But still sometimes I like to imagine I'm hiking in the scene behind me, maybe taking a rest stop at a babbling brook, contemplating God's goodness displayed in His creation.

Many afternoons I make a cup of coffee and sit with it for a couple minutes. It makes me feel like my life is luxurious...all the more if its on the porch, alone. ;)

The baby is taking steps and everyone is excited about it. :)

After school snuggles. I'm grateful I usually get to be home to greet the kids.

Baseball practice. He's responsible enough that I didn't feel bad leaving him for an hour...

...so we could go grocery shopping.

Snacks and playtime at the baseball field. Its so nice to have Shaun back from tax season so he could be home to transport the youth group kids.

Project 365, Week 18

More from Florida...life is rough! ;) There were 12 of us in one house, six adults and six children from 0-17. There was a pool at the house which was covered with shade all but two hours of every day and we were a two-block walk from the beach. We didn't have any outings or planned activities, it was very low-key with tons of pool time, reading, games, searching for and sorting through shells. 

April 30

May 1
This guy isn't at all flashy, but it quietly faithful. He has such a way about him, especially with kids and old people, the "least of these". When I see him pacing with a baby in the early hours so the rest of the house can sleep, I get all the heart eyes.

My tribe.

May 2
That yellow house in the middle is where we stayed.

Shaun and I had two breakfast dates, such lovely time together. He's my favorite.

May 3
God speaks volumes to me through his creation, probably in part because thats when I slow down enough to listen.

We watched a sudden rain and wind storm from the balcony, feeling bad that Nathan and Laryssa had chosen that time to take a walk on the beach.

Nana and Grandpa John treated us all to fondue, a long-standing tradition.

May 4
Full day in the car following a full night in the car.

Delaware.

NYC.

I love our church and our youth leaders. Avery and Amanda opted to come home from Florida a day early so they could be part of this girls sleepover/party. How incredible is that?? We got back in time to drop them right off at church to join 60 other girls.

May 5

J had a home show so Shaun, Aiden and I went to cheer her on.

Then I picked up the girls and we went to cheer on my sister at a Crossfit competition. She and her partner made it to the finals...so inspiring and impressive!

May 6
We went to the service for a baby baptism. The people at the church were very friendly and welcoming.

Girls Night In! I'm always better for having spent time with these girls. Also, they know how to make amazing food!