Thoughts on Marriage

We celebrated 25 years of marriage together, longer than most couples in our circle, in part because we are older but also because some have divorced and are accumulating years on their second marriage. Given that, I thought I would share a few tidbits of unsolicited marriage advice. Its not "flashy" or terribly romantic, but its simple and doable.

Most important: recognize that no human can love you as much as you want and need to be loved. Only God can. Its not your mate's job to "complete" you. Spend time with God and look to Him as your Source. He can and will fulfill you in the ways you're hoping for and it will take the pressure off of your spouse.

Second: Use basic manners and speak in a kind tone. Sometimes I'll overhear a phone conversation and I think to myself, the tone they are using means it must be their spouse and not a perfect stranger. It should not be that we speak to strangers with more respect and kindness than to the person we love the most in this world.

Third: I used to have a long mental list of areas where Shaun could improve, both as a person and a husband (and, to be clear, by "improve" I mostly mean become a little more like me ;). After spending some time being frustrated, I made a deal with myself that as soon as I got my own list completed and was finally a perfect person and wife, then I could feel free to move on to his list. (Its not looking good for me finishing my list anytime soon.)

Fourth: I sometimes ask myself the question, is this (thought, word, action) moving toward the relationship? If not, then its moving away from it. And that's probably not the best option, given that I promised to stay IN it.