Doing Battle, Week 15

You know what I did ALL last week? Cancer. So when I woke up today and was feeling good for the first time since Monday the last thing I wanted to write about, thinking about, dwell upon was cancer. I'm just SO happy to be out of the week.

Perspective was elusive for me. One thing that made it especially hard was that I spent the kids school vacation week not with them. A team of grandparents and aunt and uncle, who I'm so grateful for, took care of them, which was absolutely needed, just sad. The other thing that...how do they say...stuck in my craw was that it was the new year.

I'm one of those people who just love the scent of a new year and fresh beginnings and resolutions and goals and grand ambitions for the year....its usually a very meaningful, reflective time for me.

This year there is no fresh beginning, rather I'm right in the middle of it all. Much of the year has already been laid out before me and is tightly scheduled with treatments and appointments that I don't have a ton of say over. There are no fresh starts.

I've been trying to think of a prettier, "less sinful" word to use, but I think most accurately I was feeling jealous. Jealous of the people who got to spend extra time with their kids over vacation. Jealous of people forming 2015 goals and resolutions because they have a "blank slate" to work with. Jealous of the people who climb a flight of stairs without worrying that it will wipe them out for the rest of the day. Jealous of people who think of a few things they need to grab at the store and then go do it.

Couch-sitting was at an all-time high this week, which was cute for the first little bit but then got quite discouraging especially when my self-imposed "times up" time frame came and went. My patience waned and I just wanted my life back.

Still, through the noise of my inner whining there were encouraging texts emails and cards and reminders that I am not alone and that I am constantly being lifted up in prayer. My cousin even vowed to sit on the couch all day with me, several states away on my darkest day. Now that is love and something my ADD self would not be capable of. :)

Then today dawned bright and clear and its amazing what a little energy and decreased pain can do for your frame of mind. I was back in life today and have the rest of the week to enjoy. And I will!

Amanda's very first entry in her new diary was heart-breaking and telling. Wish I could better protect their tender hearts from the pain around here. But then at the same time, their hearts are also seeing the outpouring and love and support that we've been on the receiving end of for months now and I know that is making a lasting impression as well.

Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. Psalm 16:5