The Excellent Wife, Ch 11

The Wife's Response

You had to know it would appear in a marriage book...a chapter on intimacy. I'll try to find a balance between honesty and TMI (too much information).

"God designed sex in marriage for physical intimacy and the procreation of life"...its His gift to us to "enhance closeness and oneness within marriage".

Isn't that cool that the same God who wrote the Ten Commandments also gave us sex in marriage?! I've read parts of the Song of Solomon and Proverbs and thought, 'I'm not sure that should be in the bible.'

Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice in the wife of your youth. As a loving hind and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; Be exhilarated always with her love." Proverbs 5:18-19

"The physical union of husband and wife is designed by God to meet a God-given desire for companionship, to protect the husband and wife from temptation, and for the mutual giving and receiving of great pleasure and joy between the husband and the wife. Companionship is strengthened by the private, intimate physical bond of a married couple."

Through 14 years of marriage we've had some trial and error in this area. One of the things I've had to work through is why God would give us such different levels of desire. Over the years I have figured out that sex for my husband is a need that ranks closely with food, sun and water. Its something he needs in order to be a man. Its just not that far up on the list for me. Thus,

"Let each of you esteem and look upon and be concerned for not [merely] his own interests, but also each for the interests of others." Philippians 2:4

Recently, I was listening to a talk from Family Life on the subject. The speaker explained that women have many avenues for being fulfilled as a woman such as through the process of having, nurturing and raising children and just nurturing people in general. Men have one and only one way to truly be fulfilled as a man.

He went on the say that when a woman has a desire for her husband, that gives him a sense of well-being and confidence in all areas of his life. We as women have the power to change his life by meeting his needs in this way. Incredible to think of it like that! Men want to be wanted and affirmed by their wives in bed. This helps towards building the loving home that a woman is looking for.

One of Shaun's favorite sayings is "I'm just a simple man". This is really all it takes for them...they are not complicated and complex like we are. They really are simple.

"Plan times for physical intimacy with your husband, give yourself to him, anticipate being with him, and look forward to the times when you can be together. Be a loving wife, warm and responsive. If you are not in the mood, concentrate on pleasing your husband. Your mood will likely improve. Don't just glorify God on Sunday morning, but also in the intimacy of your marriage bed"...practical, challenging, true.