Monday, April 20, 2015

Doing Battle, Week 30

Its been one week and I haven't stepped foot in a doctor's office! Someday soon I'll go a whole week or more without even talking to one. Looking forward to that.

That reminds me of a conversation Shaun and I had recently. Most likely we were talking about cancer (sadly, many of our conversations somehow come back around to that) and I told him about a blog post I'd seen about a year ago, right around our 20th wedding anniversary that stuck with me. My Wife is Not the Same Woman That I Married (good 'ol Google helped me find it, even with the ridiculous search criteria I entered). wife isn’t the same person that I married. When I met her she was a 22-year-old college student. Now she’s a 27-year-old mother of two. Sure she still has the same DNA, the same biological identity, and she’s still the kind of girl who can appreciate a good beer and a fart joke. But she’s not the same. That’s because I married a human being, not a mannequin. I said my vows to a person, not a computer program.

“People sometimes change,” says the wise sage.

No, people always change. They never stop changing. Life is change. Everything is moving, everything is transforming. Everything is changing, all of the time. 

Divorcing someone because they change? You might as well divorce them because they breathe.

I’m not making light of it. I know that sometimes people change in a painful and inconvenient manner. I know that my wife could change in ways that don’t cooperate with my projections of how she should be and feel and think.

Shaun said, Yeah...foster kids and a cancer ministry...just like I thought when I married you, which of course made both of us laugh because it couldn't be farther from the truth. I spent 10 years of marriage being convinced I didn't want any children because...WHY would you do that?? On purpose! 

And being a healthy person, committed to fitness and nutrition, I didn't have an understanding of or tolerance for medical "stuff".  I had a suck-it-up mentality for myself and expected the same of others. Safe to say I was even judgmental of sick people, thinking in most cases, they could have taken better care of themselves to prevent whatever ailed them. And who wants to hear about all the symptoms and meds and emotions anyway?

But God.

He takes our weaknesses and, if we are willing to surrender to Him, he does a work in us. Because when he takes someone completely unqualified (ME!), he gets all the glory. 

No one can say, well of course Lisa does such a great job with those kids that come in and out of her home. She's always loved kids and is such a natural nurturer. Foster care seems like such a reasonable progression for her.

Or...Lisa? Ministering to others with cancer? Totally makes sense. She's always had an affinity for all things medical. She enjoys learning the "lingo" of "meds" and procedures appreciates the extra attention that a doctor offers.

No, God uses me inspite of me. I am lacking and fall short is so many areas and my heart is sinful. But God sees that and knows its a perfect opportunity for his power to work through me and for him to get the glory he deserves. Though my inadequacy list is long, my desire to be in his will, doing his work is enough for him to work with.

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 1 Corinthians 12:9

Back to the article, as a side note (which isn't really a side note at all), I'm so thankful for the man who has faithfully loved me even though I've changed in a "painful and inconvenient manner". In so many ways, I am not the woman he married, and yet he loves me and stays by my side.

Since you're here, I bet you are wondering about my status. Which, by the way, is still so incredibly amazing to me how many people genuinely care and have stuck with us for so long. Thank you for that, and for your faithful prayers. It means so, so much.

I have shown improvement over the last week as my body has started down the road to recovery. Surprising to me was the morale boost that came with the end to the chemo pills. It seemed like such a minor part of the radiation/chemo thing, but the first day I didn't have to take the pills just really made me feel happy.

There were blessed moments of normalcy when I was starting to feel like a regular human again. I did too much over the weekend, but my body is not shy about letting me know when I've overdone it.

I'm looking forward to this week and even more progress!

The seasons change, and you change, but your Lord abides evermore the same, and the streams of His love are as deep, as broad, and as full as ever. ~Charles Spurgeon


Amy said...

So glad you're feeling a little more human again. I remember the Matt Walsh article as well. It moved me. I remember him saying...'Thank God she DID change.' I also remember Dr. Phil saying something similar about his wife. He met a bubbly cheerleader and over the years she morphed into a deep nurturer who loving cared for ill parents, etc. You may be changing, but you're growing-wide and deep. Tested by fire. Your testimony is beautiful and there's so much more to come. xoxox

Melody said...

Woohoo indeed! SO glad you're starting to feel better!

Karen said...

So wonderful and inspiring. Love your humliity, heart and humanity. But most of all love how God is present in you! Thank you for sharing. Have a fantastic week...each one better than the last. Love, karen

The Bug said...

So glad you're feeling better! And that your body lets you know your limits so it can heal even faster :)